Q: Last weekend, my wife came home really drunk and carrying her shoes in her hands. When I asked her what she'd been doing all night, she told me that she and some friends had gone to a gentleman's club I know of. It's the same place where my buddies hang out, so I hear stories all the time. While my wife was there, someone bought my wife a lap dance. She told me that she went along with the dance just for fun. After she passed out on the couch, I sat up all night wondering whether she was secretly gay or maybe even bi-curious. Why would a respectable woman go to into a strip club and let a woman with fake boobs and a G-string rub all over her like that? I can't even look at her the same way any more.

Mia: Don't go nuts over what may have just been one wild, drunken night. Are things otherwise OK between you? If so, forget that this happened. Lots of women go to strip clubs these days. It doesn't mean they're gay.

If she expresses interest in going again, go with her. You might enjoy yourself. What's most important, though, is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse, so that if she discovers she is bisexual or whatever, you'll be the first to know.

Steve: Sometimes girls just wanna have fun.

Q: I dated this guy for about a year, but we got into a big fight after I saw him out with another woman. We've since made up and things are almost back to normal. He comes over once or twice a week, and we kick it at my apartment, but he never wants to go out anywhere with me. He's always too tired or broke or whatever. Sometimes he brings food over, but mostly we lie around and watch TV and drink before tearing each other's clothes off and having sex. The sex is animalistic and hot, which is how I like it. I don't want to lose him, but shouldn't we also be going on real dates? I'm a girly girl and have a closet full of dresses that never get worn because I never go anywhere any more.

Mia: He's already getting what he wants, so why should he fork over big money to take his girl out? By the way, you are his girl, aren't you? You'd better check. For all you know, you could be the side chick he sees when his real girlfriend is busy. That could be why he doesn't want to be seen walking hand-in-hand with you along Walnut Street on a Saturday night.

Steve: You're a booty call - nothing more, nothing less. If you want more, dump this loser.

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.