Cozy Morley's humor: A few examples

HERE ARE a few jokes told repeatedly by Cozy Morley over the years and culled from various sources by Stu Bykofsky:

"You see this banjo? My sainted mother got me this. I was a kid and we walked by a pawn shop window. I looked at the banjo. She said, 'Son, do you want that?' . . . I said, 'Yes, mother, with all my heart.' . . . So she took a rock . . . "

"In World War II, the Italian general sent his soldiers out for shells. They came back with ziti!"

"The Irish, we are a great people. We invented the toilet seat. The Italians came along and put a hole in it four years later."

"I love the Polish people, my neighbors. My wife is Polish. In fact, there was this Polish counterfeiter. The feds admired him. They told him he did the best $2 bills they had ever seen. They asked how he did it. 'I just rubbed the 0s off the 20s.' "

A black guy hears a white guy use the term "colored" and he confronts him.

He says, "Get this straight right now - I'm a black man.

When I wake up in the morning I'm black!

When I go to the beach, I'm black!

When I'm sad, I'm black!

When I'm angry, I'm black!

When I die, I'm black!

I'm black!

Now look at you. When you get up, you're white.

You go to the beach, you're brown.

When you're sad, you're blue.

When you're angry, you're red.

When you die, you're gray.

Now who are you calling "colored"?

"In our parish, we read the bingo numbers in Latin so the Protestants can't win."

"At a funeral for an alcoholic, they had him cremated, and he burned for nine months."