Sideshow: A 6-year itch for Dashton?

Shock, dismay, dread, and finally despair gripped millions of citizens Wednesday with news that there may be conjugal strife in Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's household. The Tinseltown power couple spent their sixth wedding anniversary apart Saturday. Fact, they've been on different coasts for days, separated by 2,462 miles of extramarital temptation, says People mag.

Signs of weirdness came Friday when Demi, 48, tweeted a quote from Epictetus (impressive!).

"When we are offended at any man's fault," the tweet reads, "turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."

Ash, 33, spent the weekend partying with his That '70s Show pal Danny Masterson.

Why are they apart? Why is Demi angry? Ashton has cheated on her, claim various gossipers. So is this the end of Dashton as we know it? The couple have yet to comment.

What's the matter with Dashton? Infidelity (alleged), baby. RadarOnline.com says a 23-year-old woman claims she had carnal relations of carnally hot carnality with A-Kutch. She's said to be lying low, looking for a lawyer. Shakedown time!?

Kim Kardashian may have a bazillion bucks and 10 million Twitter followers, but she's also got her haters. Kim kopped "most annoying celebrity" in Parade mag's 2011 Culture Poll, with 29 percent of the vote, beating out Charlie Sheen (27), Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (21), Lindsay Lohan (16), Donald Trump (5), and Bachelor guy Brad Womack (1).

Sarah Palin, destined to become first U.S. Monarch, tells Fox News' On the Record that being leader of the free world is, like, lame. The former Alaska gov says being in the White House may be too limiting for a dame with her gifts. "Is a title worth it? Does a title shackle a person?" Palin says. "Someone like me who's a maverick? I do go rogue and I call it like I see it and I don't mind stirring it up in order to get people to think and debate aggressively." 

Jessica Simpson is carrying fiancé Eric Johnson's child, In Touch Weekly claims, citing Anonymous Sources. "She's already having kooky cravings!" including nacho chips dipped in chocolate, Unnamed Friend tells the gossip glossy. In Touch says the couple plan to marry in November. Nope, says Us Weekly, Jess wants to postpone.

Has Nicole Richie bought a pair of newer, larger breasts? The tabloids say so. . . . Alyssa Milano, 38, has officially debuted her 5-week-old son, Milo Thomas Bugliari, in Us Weekly. What rocks the most, she says, is watching husband David Bugliari play with Milo. "There is nothing like seeing the man you love with your child," she says. . . . Nadya "Octomom" Suleman has put her 2,583-square-foot La Habra, Calif., house up for sale. The Orange County Register says the reality TV victim wants $525,000 for it. . . . Fashion mag czar Anna Wintour ain't going to like this one: Royal family reps tell People the Duchess of Cambridge (Kate to you and me) will not (lower herself to) pose for Vogue magazine. . . . Jimmy Buffett will do a guest spot on Hawaii Five-O, says Entertainment Weekly. . . . Elton John was scheduled to premiere his three-year Vegas act at Caesars Palace on Wednesday night.

The woman who allegedly gave Brad Pitt the boringest of marriages has made her directorial debut with Five, a Lifetime film made of five shorts about breast cancer. Jennifer Aniston directed a segment featuring Patricia Clarkson as a cancer patient and Jeanne Tripplehorn as her doctor. "It was like a dream come true, honestly, and such an important piece that we all were invested in," Jen tells Access Hollywood. She tells USA Today she's moved by the subject matter: "I just actually had my mammogram a couple of weeks ago and . . . tears [were] streaming down my face."

Venerable TV journo Charlie Rose has gone skinny-dipping at George Clooney's Italian villa - with Marisa Tomei, the Oscar-winning vixen tells Conan O'Brien.

It was a buddy thing, not a sex thing.

"Charlie Rose can be hot. We had some high jinks over there . . . He's a sport," Marisa said of the PBS talk show host. She adds that pal Evan Rachel Wood also dived in.

Gay and lesbian org GLAAD says in its annual "Where We Are on TV" report there are fewer gay and bisexual characters on network TV this season. The report says of the 650 roles in prime time this season, 19, or 2.9 percent, are non-straight. That's down from 3.9 percent last season.

Fox leads the network pack with the most gay roles, eight. Cabler HBO kicks with 11.

Tony Bennett, 85, has become the oldest artist to make the top spot on the Billboard album list with Duets II, which features Tony warbling with the likes of Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, and Carrie Underwood. The CD moved 179,000 copies in its first week.

Previous record-holder Bob Dylan was 67 when Together Through Life took the top spot in '09. Guess fans weren't too turned off by Bennett's comments that America was responsible for the Sept. 11 attacks.

Lady Antebellum's Own the Night takes the second spot with 125,000, while Adele's 21 is at No. 3 with 117,000.

Melancholia star Kirsten Dunst, 29, who bares all - mind, body, and soul - in the Lars von Trier film, has a new perspective on life now that she's experienced depression, she tells Canuck mag Flare. "I think that most human beings go through some sort of depression in their life," she says.

"And if they don't, I think that's weird."

Rosemary's Baby helmer Roman Polanski stopped by the Zurich Film Festival this week to pick up the lifetime achievement award. The festival features a screening of a new docu about the Polish-born auteur in which he addresses for the first time his 1977 arrest for raping a 13-year-old girl.

"She is a double victim: my victim, and a victim of the press," he says of Samantha Geimer in Roman Polanski: A Film Memoir.