With the news already blared about Beyoncé's baby bump and other happenings from Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards (which MTV says drew its highest ratings ever - 12.4 million viewers), we are left with the deeper details of these developments. Such as, yes, Lady Gaga's bizarro, gender-bending alter he-go, Jo Calderone, presented Britney Spears with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award (on the vanguard of what, exactly - personal life tumult?) and almost kissed the awardee. But did ya know, as Fox411's Pop Tarts reports, that Gaga was so true to her character that she used the men's room that day? Did ya? The near-kiss between Spears and Gaga-in-drag - bringing back gauzy memories of the 2003 VMAs when Spears and Madonna locked lips - also was a hot post-VMA topic. Spears said of the Gaga encounter, "We got onstage and felt it out." Spears had told the crowd she was resisting kissing Calderone so she wouldn't upset Gaga. So to sum it all up, that's Spears and Madonna, yes; Spears and Gaga, no; and Spears and Calderone - oh, just forget about it.

One full dance card

ABC has announced the cast for the 13th season of Dancing With the Stars, and it's the usual unusual mix of actors, athletes, and TV personalities. Set to tango and quickstep with professional dance partners will be basketball star Ron Artest; World Cup soccer player Hope Solo; reality stars Robert Kardashian, Kristin Cavallari, and Chaz Bono; TV personalities Nancy Grace (!), Carson Kressley, and Ricki Lake; singer-actress Chynna Phillips; actors David Arquette and J.R. Martinez; and Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis, who may be better known in the United States for being George Clooney's ex-girlfriend. New cast members will perform their first dance routines on the season premiere Sept. 19.

Scandals in sandals

The end of summer means markdowns on sleeveless tops, shorts - and E! Online's recap of "The Five Most Super Fun Scandals of Summer!" That's not just fun, it's "Most Super Fun." Number one is Crystal Harris canceling her nuptials with Hugh Hefner, then fleeing to Vegas, then yapping with Howard Stern about Hef's, er, heft between the sheets. "Stay classy, Crystal Whoever," says E! Online. Next on the list is Arnold Schwarzenegger and his teenage secret - his son, not by wife Maria Shriver. Number three: Actor Gérard Depardieu tinkling on the carpet of a passenger plane. This news was made sillier still when CNN's humanitarian news guy, Anderson Cooper, couldn't stop laughing as he gave the full poop on the incident. (There are so many more potty puns we could have made, but different.) Number four is Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony splitting, and number five is about, well, we don't really care about little-known number five, teen bride Courtney Stodden. Good gravy, with all that Most Super Fun, who knows what the fall may bring!

Jersey Shore evacuation

Just in case you were worried, and really, you would have to be the most carefree person in the cosmos if you were worried about this, the Jersey Shore cast evaded Hurricane Irene last weekend. An Insider tells Us Weekly that Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Vinny Guadagnino, Deena Nicole Cortese, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola left the Shore Saturday morning for Los Angeles on a private jet out of Teterboro, N.J. "MTV wanted to make sure they got in town for the VMAs," says Insider. Betcha the Jersey Shore cast would have been happy to have Depardieu on their flight.

Twit wits

Speaking of #Hurricane #Irene, a number of celebrities tweeted about the storm. Reality show star, author, and chef Bethenny Frankel was all a-Twitter on so many levels. Around 3 a.m. Saturday, she wrote: "I can't sleep. So nervous. The wind is so loud outside. What's the update? TV will wake everyone." Why, it could be haiku - or maybe lowku.  Alec Baldwin, who just moved into a SoHo apartment with gal pal Hilaria Thomas, tweeted: "Lots of limbs down. No flooding. 1 window blew out of sun room. Only problem is power's out. I can't play Mayor's hurricane Bunker on Wii."  And finally, Adam Lambert wrote: "East Coasters: Stay safe and smart while this storm rolls in. :) In my thoughts." Really, an emoticon, Adam?

A Michael Jackson celebration

On Saturday, Michael Jackson's children, Paris, 13, Prince, 14, and Blanket, 9, and father Joe visited the late King of Pop's childhood home in Gary, Ind., where hundreds of fans took part in a celebration, said the Associated Press. They were celebrating what would have been his 53d birthday Monday. An announcement also came Monday that his estate and Cirque Du Soleil will collaborate on a production called "Michael Jackson the IMMORTAL World Tour." A team of 10 choreographers includes some who worked with Jackson. The show premieres Oct. 2 in Montreal. Its Philly run is April 10 and 11 at the Wells Fargo Center. Visit www.cirquedusoleil.com/ MichaelJackson for more information.

Brad saves world from zombies

All hail Brad Pitt, who not only took his flock of kids to see the flick Mr. Popper's Penguins in London recently, but also was described as rescuing an extra on the set of the movie he's filming in Scotland, World War Z. The Scottish Sun reports that, during a scene where some 700 cast members were running hysterically away from a zombie invasion (who wouldn't run?), a woman stumbled and fell to the ground. Pitt grabbed her and pulled her to her feet. The woman suffered only a knee boo-boo. One lesson, maybe two, flow(s) from this: that Brad really is superhuman or that even faux zombies really are life-threatening.

Contact staff writer Carolyn Davis at 215-854-4214, cdavis@phillynews.com and @carolyntweets on Twitter.