Does the idea of watching grown men tackle each other on turf baffle you? Do the phrases “icing the kicker,” “pass interference” and “run-pass options” mean absolutely nothing to you? Does the sight of a sea of Eagles jerseys give you heart palpitations — in a bad way? Or maybe you’re a Bears fan still licking your wounds, resenting the sight of all the Double Doink billboards that have mysteriously appeared around the city.
No worries, Eagles hater. The City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection accepts you for who you are. Whatever your reasons, if you want to avoid the game on Sunday, we’ve got you. Here’s a list of places you’re least likely to catch a glimpse of Doug Pederson’s visor on a TV screen or hear screams of elation (or agony). No guarantees, though: Eagles fandom is pervasive.
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: 1.3
Why not visit the city’s only Trader Joe’s — known for its ridiculous line snaking through every single aisle in the store — while everyone else is glued to their televisions? Think about it: You’ll be able to grab all the cookie butter you want. And afterward, you can go home stress-free and whip up a delicious dinner with your newly acquired groceries, listening to your favorite podcast. Doesn’t that sound relaxing? Just be sure to hit the store after the game has started, or you’ll probably run into frantic fans stocking up on snacks.
Trader Joe’s, 2121 Market St., 215-569-9282, traderjoes.com
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: 0.4
Surprised to see the well-worn Center City dive on this list? Well, during last week’s white-knuckle Eagles-Bears game, McGlinchey’s patrons conversed about Game of Thrones audiobooks and crocheting instead of how Nick Foles is a magical unicorn in the shape of a quarterback. There were muted cheers when the Birds won, but things stayed pretty low-key through the whole game. Take this with a grain of salt, though: The bar owner did say that wasn’t the norm.
McGlinchey’s Bar, 259 S. 15th St. 215-735-1259. mcglincheys.com
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: 0.3
The best part of attending any theatrical performance on Sunday afternoon is that people will have to wait until intermission to whip out their phones to check the score. Instead of commentators, spend your evening listening to Carole King’s many beloved hits — both those she sang herself and those covered by others, like Aretha Franklin’s version of “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” and the Chiffons’ take on “One Fine Day.”
6:30 p.m. Academy of Music, 240 S. Broad St., $20 to $149, 215-893-1999, kimmelcenter.org
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: 3
Get away from the chaotic, nervous energy radiating from every Eagles fan by booking a visit to a float center. While everyone else stress-chugs Bud Lights, you’ll be entering your most peaceful state of mind in a tank while the Epsom salt water laps at your toes and ambient music and the starry-night ceiling soothe you. Halcyon Floats' two locations provide fluffy towels, robes, slippers, earplugs, shampoo and conditioner, and you can even stay for a snack afterward. Flotation sessions are by appointment only, though, so make sure you call before heading out.
10 a.m. to 8 p.m. by appointment only, Halcyon Floats, 209 W. Girard Ave. and 6068 Ridge Ave. in Roxborough, $69 for a single float, 267-888-4139, halcyonfloats.com
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: Varies
January brought a lot of new films and TV show to Netflix, so why not binge one of them starting at 4:40 p.m.? There’s Roma, the story of a live-in housekeeper in Mexico City. (It’s partially inspired by the upbringing of director Alfonso Cuarón, who also directed Children of Men and Gravity.) Amazon Prime Video has released Beautiful Boy, which captures how a father dealt with his teenage son’s meth addiction. If you’re in the mood for something classic, the entire Indiana Jones catalog is a solid choice, or you can opt for Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction (1994). And if you’re into self-improvement, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo is (unsurprisingly) a satisfying watch.
Miles from McGillin’s Olde Ale House: 305
Let’s be honest: If you’re in Philadelphia on Sunday, chances are you won’t be able to avoid Eagles fans no matter where you go. That’s why, if you’re really set on not seeing a single Nick Foles jersey, you might need to head to another city. We picked Pittsburgh not only because the Steelers are out of the playoffs, but because there’s plenty to do there. You can sip beer in a church-turned-brewery at Church Brew Works; check out some vibrant street art at Randy Wilson’s “Randyland,” (considered the most colorful art museum in the country); or compare gooey, cheesy slices at Mineo’s and Aiello’s, two Pittsburgh pizza staples that have had a rivalry for decades. Not a bad way to spend a weekend.