Soccer haters miss on shots they take

A SOCCER DIVE, known as a Robben in the Netherlands, is annoying even to the soccer purist, but to the narrow-minded haters of the sport who emerge like cicadas every 4 years during the World Cup, it comes up in conversation even more than the word nil.

"What's the score, nil-nil," they cackle.

Uh, it usually is, but that doesn't mean it's a bad game.

Americans didn't invent futbol, and thus become unbelievably haughty about its presence on TVs everywhere recently. Yet, if they were honest and looked at it as an alien might view some sports they appreciate, the world might be a better place.

OK, that's silly but consider a cricket aficionado viewing some sports Americans embrace:

What's baseball but a few swings that connect in between plenty that swat only air? Fans have been known to fall sound asleep in the fourth inning of a game involving the great and wondrous Yankees. You can drive from Philly to Penn State before a Yanks-Red Sox Sunday night game is finished.

What's tennis but two athletes holding a contest to see who can grunt louder?

What's basketball in the first three quarters?

What's hockey but ice capades with blood? Actually, that description sounds appealing.

What's golf but a contest in which he who makes the fewest mistakes wins?

What's football? Yeah, what is football? Where is it? All I see are beer commercials and drug companies trying to get old men excited.

So all you NASCAR fans watching helmeted dudes make left turns for hours, look in the rearview mirror before you spew your venom toward a sport played by superior athletes and loved by the rest of the world.

Check out a Phillies game. I hear they are so boring, grown adults who announce them sit in the stands with their gloves, hoping they might catch a home run by the other team.

Thought the cutoff for bringing gloves was 12 years old.

Canadians love curling, a mashup of avant-garde shuffleboard and housecleaning. To each his own.