Stan Hochman: Are you ready to go green?

HOW GREEN ARE you? Are you a face-painting, tailgating, E-A-G-L-E-S chanting fanatic? On Fridays? Or are you grizzled, grim, scarred by the past? With a hardened heart prepared for disaster?

As a public service, the Daily News offers this handy-dandy test of your Greenery. Choose the sentence in each pairing that best reflects your thoughts. It ain't easy being Green. They haven't won the champeenship since 1960 and the Tommy Brookshier glossy photo you got with your Sunday Bulletin is beginning to crack and peel.

(a) The Eagles are in the conference championship game for the fifth time in 8 years. (b) The Eagles are in the conference championship game for the first time in 4 years and how come they don't tell you they lost three of the previous four times?

(a) The Eagles are trying to catch lightning in a bottle and it's exciting to watch. (b) The Eagles are trying to catch lightning in a bottle while riding a unicycle blindfolded carrying a sequined parasol, but yeah, it's exciting to watch.

(a) Donovan McNabb was just having some fun when he picked up that telephone on the Giants' sideline. It was funny. (b) We don't need "Saturday Night Live" on Sunday afternoon. The gag cost the team 15 yards.

(a) McNabb had a brilliant game once, playing with a broken leg. (b) McNabb is the guy who puked in the final minutes of the Super Bowl.

(a) It's funny and a little sad to hear Deion Sanders speaking for McNabb and his mom. (b) Sanders is dumber than a doorknob.

(a) I love it when Andy Reid calls McNabb the best quarterback in the league. (b) Is that the same Andy Reid who benched McNabb at halftime of the Baltimore game?

(a) It's good to hear McNabb credit the superb coaching for those victories over the Vikings and Giants. (b) If the Eagles win it all, will we find out the name of the sports psychologist who lifted that 2-by-4 off McNabb's shoulder and convinced Donovan and Andy to play nice?

(a) Back in the day, Leonard Tose took the janitor on that charter plane to the Super Bowl. Those were the days. (b) In the 2 weeks before the Super Bowl, the out-of-town writers will be stalking the janitor because McNabb said he's the guy who told him he was starting on Thanksgiving night against the Cardinals.

(a) Jeff Lurie looks good with a beard, bonding with the guys. (b) I wish Jeff Lurie were more like the Phillies owners. Invisible.

(a) This just in . . . Lurie wants Reid and McNabb back next year. (b) If I hear Lurie say he wants Reid and McNabb back next year one more time I'm gonna puke on my shoes. Maybe on his shoes.

(a) I don't care if Andy Reid yanks down his pants and moons the media at those Monday news conferences, the man is one win away from a trip to the Super Bowl and that's all that counts. (b) Reid has been mooning the media for years now, it's time for the media to suck it up and quit moaning about it.

(a) I've got the parade date circled on my Eagles' cheerleader calendar. (b) Maybe if they didn't have the drabbest costumes in the league they wouldn't be so eager to pose half-naked for the calendar? Just asking, not complaining.

If you picked:

12 (a) - You're drinking the lime Kool-Aid.

10 (a) - You're on your way to Phoenix.

8 (a) - You're probably over 50 and have seen too many sad days to completely give your heart away.

12 (b) - You're a genuine 4-karat player-hater.

10 (b) - You're enough of a cynic to make a good sports writer.

8 (b) - You're on the fence. But even you have to admit that the dee-fence has been playing lights out, the kind of swarming buzz that wins Super Bowls.

Enjoy! *