GQ ranks Phillies 14th on 'Worst Franchises' list

092613_phillies-logo_600
The Phillies' on deck circle is shown as weather delays the start of a baseball game against the San Diego Padres, Thursday, Sept. 12, 2013, in Philadelphia. (Matt Slocum/AP)

Every year, GQ gets someone on their staff who went to a "sports game" once to put together a list of the top 20 worst sports whatevers, then sits back and waits for you to be outraged enough to click on it and react to it, which, judging by this very blog post existing, clearly they've failed.

This year, surprise surprise, they've put the Phillies on their list.

# 14 - Philadelphia Phillies

"They were the first of two American teams to lose more than 10,000 games, and their all-time record is so far below .500, they could go 162-0 for six straight seasons and still not be shooting par. In 130 years, they’ve won only two World Series—same as the Toronto Blue Jays, who started in 1977 and play in ****ing Canada."

Reporting common knowledge (the 10,000 losses, which happened in 2007) as new facts is a great way to prove how in-the-know they are. And not only that, there's some topnotch analysis - did you know the Blue Jays play in Canada? "Canada sucks" jokes! That's so fresh and 2013!

With so much focus on the Phillies' bad history, they used a picture of Jonathan Papelbon, a franchise fixture, certainly, who has been on the team for two entire years.

They also put the Pittsburgh Pirates on the list; yes, the playoff-bound, feel-good story Pittsburgh Pirates, because they were probably willing to bet the Pirates had been awful for a 21st consecutive year and checking the MLB standings would take, like, four more seconds, and the editor wants this piece of crap slideshow tweeted out before lunch. Granted, it's an "all time" list, and history doesn't change, so it doesn't require any much more research than they did for the slideshow they did five years ago.

Continue Reading