Here He Goes a Caroling ...

Here is the author's annual assortment of Christmas carols, sung with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like the Fifties"

Sung to: "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

It's beginning to look a lot like the Fifties, everywhere you glance.

Take a look at the Philly teams.

They all make you want to scream.

If sports is war, then why must we be France?

It's beginning to look a lot like the Fifties, hope has gone aground.

The Sixers we know have tanked.

The Flyers are getting spanked.

And the Phillies, well, they're clearly cellar-bound.

A couple of arms, some help from the farm

Are wishes from Ruben and Pat.

A draft choice that plays, a shooter of treys,

Sam Hinkie needs much more than that.

And Eagles fans are wondering how Chip's team fell so flat.

It's beginning to look a lot like the Fifties, everywhere you glance.

Take a look at the Philly teams.

They all make you want to scream.

If sports is war, then why must we be France?

"J-Manziel"

Sung to: "Silver Bells"

J-Manziel, J-Manziel,

Your skills don't match pro-ball's guidelines.

Incompletes. Happy feet.

Soon you'll be back on the sidelines.

You're not 6-feet.

That's a deceit.

You're about 5-foot-9.

On the field you are football's Spud Webb.

You're too cocky.

For a jockey

Who can't see over lines.

And on every street corner you'll hear:

J-Manziel, J-Manziel,

Your skills don't match pro-ball's guidelines.

Incompletes. Happy feet.

Soon you'll be back on the sidelines.

"Do You See What I See?"

Sung to: "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Said the vendor in the midst of Eagles grief,

"Do you see what I see?

"In the Cowboys box, New Jersey's chief.

"Do you see what I see?

"It's Chris, it's Chris, he's dancing with delight

"There's one pol who's not very bright.

"There's one pol who's not very bright."

Said Chris Christie to his buddy Jerry Jones,

"Do you hear what I hear?

"Philly fans with very hostile tones.

"Do you hear what I hear?

"The polls, the polls, I'm sinking like a stone.

"It's amazing the ill-will I've sown.

"It's amazing the ill-will I've sown."

"Ruben the Red Team's GM"

Sung to: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Ruben the Red Team's GM

Has a very shaky job.

And if he can't find help soon

We could see a real lynch mob.

All of the Phillies fan base

Blames him for the team's decline

They'd like to see poor Ruben

In the unemployment line.

When he got that title team

Things were looking bright.

But his moves were too extreme

Ruben ain't done nothing right.

Oh, how the fans malign him

As they shout his name with rage.

Ruben the Red Team's GM

Please depart the Phillies stage.

"Let Him Go!"

Sung to: "Let it Snow!"

Oh, his signing seemed so insightful

Till his turnover rate grew frightful.

So before we see one more throw

Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!

Since he doesn't dare try a deep ball

And the Eagles took such a steep fall.

Cut your losses and save your dough

Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!

When we finally say goodbye

To a QB with too many picks.

Is it too much to hope for a guy

Whose 40 time beats 17.6?

Oh, his signing seemed so insightful

Till his turnover rate grew frightful.

So before we see one more throw

Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!

"Soccer Abounds on My TV"

Sung to: "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Soccer abounds on my TV

Has the sports world lost a screw?

Kicking and dives and scoreless ties

It's a game we should eschew.

You will get a nauseating feeling when you see

Saturdays with Hull and Chelsea.

Will it last? I guess we shall see.

Soccer abounds on my TV

Where's the hoops, the balls, the scores?

Kicking and dives and scoreless ties.

It's a game for yawns and snores.

@philafitz