Stan Hochman: Writer sympathizes with umps

BASEBALL HAS a growing problem. Uh-huh, just like those geezers at the ballpark who keep getting up, shuffling sheepishly past other geezers, to head for the men's room.

Think about what they might miss. How would you like to be one of the geezer's buddies trying to explain the play when third-base umpire Tim McClelland watched Angels catcher Mike Napoli tag Robinson Cano and Jorge Posada while they tapdanced around third base as if it were a land mine.

Called Posada out, called Cano safe. Got it half-right.

"Some of the most egregious mistakes by umpires come when the players screw up," Bruce Weber said. "McClelland is regarded as one of the best umpires in the game. Been around a very long time. He's the ump who called George Brett out in the 'pine-tar' game, back in '83.

"And he was at the plate, called Matt Holliday safe in that one-game playoff, Padres-Rockies, 2 years ago. The catcher [Michael Barrett] didn't argue and when they asked him why not, he said 'You never argue with McClelland because he's the best.' "

Weber knows his umpires. Took time off from his job at the New York Times to attend umpire school, traveled with the men in blue for a season, wrote a fascinating book, called "As They See 'Em."

The paperback version is due out next spring.

"It will include," Weber said smugly, "a new chapter on this year's postseason."

It might take two new chapters to explain all the blunders. Can we start with Phil Cuzzi in the Yankees-Twins game? He's the leftfield foul-line ump and he calls Joe Mauer's fly ball foul when it glances off Melky Cabrera's glove and lands 6 inches fair.

"Cuzzi did everything right," Weber sighed. "He straddled the line, he was in absolutely the right position. Did his eyes get crossed at that moment?"

McClelland, however, was not in the right position when he called Nick Swisher out for leaving third base too soon on the fly ball hit to centerfield. Game 4, ALCS.

"He was too close to the line," Weber said sadly. "You have to back up, so that you can see the runner's foot and the outfielder in your line of vision."

Why has the umpiring in the postseason been so dreadful? Weber ducks the question artfully.

"I wouldn't say it's been dreadful or any worse than usual," he said. "It's my contention that all season long the umpiring has been terrible.

"You get bad calls in the media glare during such important games. And Fox loves to humiliate the umpires. Freeze frame, slo-mo, closeups of McClelland's face.

"They were showing replays on the Jumbotron at the Angels game. They can't do that. That puts the umpires at risk."

Weber, who now knows firsthand how difficult the job is, has a deep respect for the men in blue. He hates that gray rectangle they put on your television screen to show borderline pitches.

"First of all, the strike zone is three-dimensional and that box is two-dimensional," Weber said. "It's for entertainment. The umpires hate it. Plus, who is running it, someone who has never umpired, some 21-year-old intern?"

It's been tough watching at home. All those prostate ads, all those ED commercials. Am I supposed to call my doctor if a game lasts longer than 4 hours? Every one of them does! Will the umpires get a close call right? How does Chip Caray keep his job? Will George Lopez ever say anything funny?

Instant replay is not the answer. Home-run calls, OK. Pickoff plays at second base, no sir. Pitcher whirls to throw, umpire has to whirl to be in position to call the play. When he gets it wrong, the way the second-base umpire did on Swisher, whoops, you don't think McClelland was trying for the quintessential "make-up" call moments later when he ruled Swisher left third too soon?

We'll let Weber handle that in the updated paperback version. Meanwhile, he has this unique view of umpires and the role they play in the game.

"Instant replay doesn't belong in baseball," Weber said. "The officials in the other sports are there to call penalties, to call infractions. They say that in football; they could call holding on every play, but they don't. Two or three bad calls are considered acceptable.

"In baseball, the umpires are making decisions. Well, you've got ballparks with different dimensions, different angles on the walls, different surfaces. The game is played in all kinds of weather. Someone hits a popup and a strong gust of wind carries it into the stands for a home run.

"There is a whimsical aspect to the game that players have no control over. And that includes calls by the umpires. That's been part of the game for 150 years. You live with it." *

Send e-mail to stanrhoch@comcast.net.