You Talkin' to Me? A curmudgeon mocks the mock drafts

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Fox, Ashley; Fitzpatrick, Frank

Subject: Fantasy football

The season is upon us - the fantasy football season. I'm sure, like me, you're excited and you've prepared by doing lots of mock drafts. How many leagues are you in, and who's on your sleeper list?

From: Fitzpatrick, Frank

To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Fantasy football 

Wait, before I revert to further adolescent behavior, let me put on my mock Eagles jersey. They don't call it a mock draft for nothing.

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Fox, Ashley; Fitzpatrick, Frank

Subject: Fantasy football 

Come on, Fitz, it's 2010. It's easier to identify those who don't play fantasy football than count those who do. Lots of people are into it now. It's mainstream. Join the fun. Also, don't be scared of cars, electricity, the Internet, or running water.

From: Fox, Ashley

To: Fitzpatrick, Frank; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Fantasy football 

I'm in seven leagues this year. I know. I've gone off the deep end. It's just that I have sooooo much free time these days, and I don't get nearly enough football with the real thing. I need some help, though. Can you guys help me come up with a catchy name for my teams?

From: Fitzpatrick, Frank

To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Fantasy football

The Sesame Street Thumbsuckers?

It just seems so childish. Read a book. Attend a real game. Sleep without a night light.

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Fox, Ashley; Fitzpatrick, Frank

Subject: Fantasy football 

You are the sworn enemy of fun.

From: Fitzpatrick, Frank

To: Fox, Ashley; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Fantasy football 

True. And stay off my lawn. By the way, I read recently that Lewis Stone, an MGM star from long ago, actually died chasing kids off his Beverly Hills lawn. The ultimate curmudgeon's fate.