Terrible Phillies cartoon caption contest winners

Here are the runner-ups:

"Not even Viagra can save the Phillies "wooden" bats!" – Stewbaca

"Just watch, it's like magic. Those zzz's turn into k's." – csdrew

"He won't get to "first base" with a bat like that." – po201566

And award for the most bizarre entry goes to @ZooWithRoy: