Teens seeking parents

Thirteen-year-old Mikal Woods wants just one thing, and it's not your typical teenager's wish:

"I want a place I can stay forever," he said.

Mikal, who has been in foster care since age 3, and 21 other teens ages 12 to 18, gathered in a Philadelphia hotel ballroom one recent Saturday to meet 35 prospective adoptive families.

The idea for such an event - the first in the Philadelphia region - was to show that there are older children, not just babies, who need and want parents. At an age when many kids are trying to break away from their parents, these children are looking for that tight embrace. One boy wants someone to cheer for him when he's awarded his high school diploma. Another says being adopted would make him feel accepted.

The concept of having adoption parties where children can meet prospective parents is not new, but a teen-only event is. (One other FACE2FACE "match" party was held in New Jersey last year. A follow-up to this one is slated for May, as is another in Pittsburgh.) Since the older children feel empowered having a hand in their destiny, this group of teens came together twice before the party to meet and plan the day's events.

Yet not every teenager who is available for adoption attends such events. Social workers choose teens who they believe can overcome the emotional turmoil family upheaval may have caused.

"There's a lot of rejection, feelings of abandonment and a lot of hopelessness, but the kids who are willing to come to a party like this are saying, 'There's still a chance for me. It's important for me to have a family,' " said Gloria Hochman, director of communications for the National Adoption Center, which helped organize the event. In the Philadelphia area, there are almost 700 children waiting to be adopted - 34 percent, or 236 of them, are teenagers.

Mikal's story may be typical: Removed from his mother's care a decade ago, he's lived in about 20 foster homes over the years, most recently in West Philadelphia. He doesn't know where his siblings are, nor is he sure how many he has.

The soft-spoken boy is matter-of-fact as he describes his life and himself, noting he's "a good, trustable, honest kid." He wore a suit vest over a button-down shirt, proudly stated that Project Runway was his favorite television show, and said he dreamed of being a fashion designer.

"I need a family to care for me," Mikal said. "Everybody does."

Julie Marks, the National Adoption Center's teen project manager, said knowing the teenagers will soon be pushed out of the system motivates her to work even harder to find them families. Even those who seem to be on the right path face many more difficulties without a support system, she said.

If they make it to college, where will they go for Thanksgiving break or summer vacations? If they enter the workforce, who will they turn to if they lose their jobs or have problems with a boss?

"They need connections and relationships beyond the teen years," she said.

The prospective parents at the latest match party were carefully chosen. All had completed a year of home study and talked with a social worker about the joys and perils of adopting an older child. Many have other children and feel confident about their parenting, Hochman said.

"These parents have to realize these kids come with their suitcase full of emotional issues," she said. Nationwide, about 85 percent of all adoptions stick.

Paul and Sharlynne Garvin of Lords Valley, in Pike County, Pa., were hoping to adopt a daughter to round out their family, which already includes two college-age sons. They consider themselves good parents who would be well-suited for guiding a possibly troubled child to adulthood.

"Teenagers don't get the respect they should. There's a shadow over them," said Paul Garvin, 44. "I'd like to find a child, help that child, and we'd be very proud to be there at that high school graduation knowing we had something to do with it."

In some ways, Saturday's event resembled a speed-dating outing, with get-to-know-you games that shuffled participants down a line of chairs so they could meet as many people as possible.

After a little while, sitting at tables, everyone was asked to share their favorite ice cream flavor, a topic that brought enthusiastic responses. One prospective father told his table how his mother worked at Dolly Madison ice cream while he was growing up, so there was always a gallon or two in the freezer. The children looked at him with new respect.

During another activity, participants had to hum a song they considered their personal theme. Rochelle Carey, a prospective adoptive parent from Cheltenham, correctly guessed that her 15-year-old partner was humming Keyshia Cole's "Love," thrilling the girl.

"I could see what she means by that because everybody needs love," said Carey, 50. In fact, it was the reason she and her husband were there.

"We felt we still have love to give," she said.

The Careys have a 19-year-old son they adopted when he was an infant. They feel too old for the diaper-and-bottle routine, but they still want to help.

"You still hear horror stories about kids on the news. You have to do something. You can give to charity, but you really need the human touch," said Philip Carey, 56.

Unstable economic times had no effect on their decision, they said. "There are some things you can't put a figure on," Carey said.

Maura Parker, 14, has watched as her six siblings found permanent homes while she stayed in the foster care system. "I'm the only one floating out there," she said. Removed from her abusive home situation five years ago, the Coatesville girl described her ideal parents:

"I want them to be understanding, accepting, loving and caring," she said. "Instead of me being bored all the time, they'll come outside and play with me a little bit."

Despite the hardships she's faced, Maura runs track at school, hopes to join the gospel choir, and dreams of a career as a vet. She had looked forward to the FACE2FACE party for weeks, but she was prepared for disappointment if no family chose her.

"I always look forward to the future because I know there's better things ahead for me," she said. "I may cry a little bit, but I'll move on."

After the Philadelphia event, prospective parents inquired about 18 of the 22 youths who attended, and two families arranged for second meetings with two of the teens. Some teens had attracted more than one family's interest.

It was a high percentage, but Marks wondered why one girl hadn't sparked any inquiries. The girl was a little shy but was similar in personality and appearance to another girl who had garnered multiple requests. Marks planned to do a write-up on the girl and send it to the couples who had expressed interest in adopting her friend.

"I'll say, 'You may not have had a chance to meet this other girl,' " Marks said. "Someone said, 'It's a little like Amazon.com: 'If you liked X, then you'll like Y.' "

The teenagers won't be told about any informal inquiries. But Hochman notes they're savvy enough to figure it out.

And while adoption may be the ultimate goal, it's not the only one, Hochman said.

"Sometimes children will make connections with someone who will be there for them," she said. "Someone they can go to for help, somewhere they can go for dinner."