Keeping it civil in an uncivil political season

Q

uestion:

What is the etiquette for political protests?

- F. in Pa.

Answer: I remember many elections like Kennedy vs. Nixon (yes, I was a child), Nixon vs. Humphrey, Reagan vs. Carter, and the list goes on. But, I cannot recall the nasty lack of manners we have seen in this contest, and we are still seven months from voting. Blame it on cable news, Twitter, or a candidate without boundaries, but it's here.

Protesting (and compromise) has been around since the birth of our nation. We were built on protests and so far it's still legal. That being said, manners are about not making people feel uncomfortable, unsafe, unwelcomed. There is never a reason to block speech. And there is no place for name-calling and hate language anywhere, anytime. Let a candidate speak, and pray that people are wise enough to listen and form their own opinions. I think a sign is a good way to show one's point of view without being disruptive.

Here are a few well-written words from Judith Martin (Miss Manners) in the Washington Post years ago: "The saddest thing about using rude tactics is that they damage the causes for which they are used. People who are humiliated shut down and turn defensive. But when they see orderly picket lines or sit-ins, or hear speeches or read leaflets and articles by people who seem to be well-intentioned and reasonable, they just might stop to think."

Remember, your best chance to make your views matter comes in November inside a small booth where no one can say a word to you in any tone of voice.

Q: I am a bridesmaid in a family member's wedding. The maid of honor (not a family member) is being quite difficult in the planning. She doesn't respond to emails, she doesn't ask our opinions (including on dresses), and she isn't very organized. She's even made a few not-so-flattering side comments about the bride. I feel bad for the bride and for those of us in the wedding party. Anything we can do?

- L. in N.J.

A: This is not the first time I've heard complaints like this and these are difficult waters to navigate. Manners dictate that you don't start an email chain about her (although wouldn't we all be so tempted to do this?), but, instead, try to sit down with her and take the tack of seeking guidance. Perhaps offering to divide up the duties and assign certain tasks to others might help. Try saying, "How about Mary and I handle the shower, Sally and Sue do the bachelorette party, and that will take some of the pressure off you?" Some people have the odd personality combination of control freak and disorganized person. Do your best to keep your bridesmaid's smile, not trouble the bride with the drama, and get along. Unlike some relationships in life, this one has a definite end date.

Q: What can be done about people walking with cellphones who walk into others?

- Paul in Pa.

A: This topic has come up before. A vocal "excuse me" or "excuse you" is not out of bounds. Unfortunately, these incidents are on the rise. A report published by the National Safety Council in 2011 had statistics on cellphone walking incidents for the first time. Distracted walking thanks to cellphones accounted for more than 11,000 injuries between 2000 and 2011. More than half the injuries involved people 40 or younger and most were due to a fall. Maybe after incidents like these, people will start to wise up and have some manners. If not, New Jerseyans should beware. State lawmakers are considering a bill that would make texting and walking illegal. In the meantime, walk with care.

In a previous column, I was asked: "Should there be a baby shower for the second and third baby?" I said the first shower is the tradition, but now people have "sprinkles" (smaller showers for the next baby). I did suggest that people may get gift fatigue by the third, fourth, or fifth baby or wedding shower. Here are some valid points one of our readers sent in on the topic:

"I'm responding to a question about whether expectant mothers should be given showers for second and subsequent pregnancies. I have six children, and each of them is equally special to me. I was thrilled when my friends gave me showers for each one. Everybody needs nice new clothes just for them, not to mention diapers. I feel that even if subsequent showers are not as big as the first, every baby should be celebrated. I feel the same way about subsequent marriages. Again, they don't have to be as big and flashy because people already have the household items they need. But this is the time to receive items that will be special for this couple, and for friends to celebrate this marriage."

- Grace in Pa.

Manners questions or issues? Email Deb Nussbaum at debranussbaum1987@gmail.com.