Mentoring youths can help end domestic violence

By Ryne Sandberg

As the manager for the Philadelphia Phillies, my conduct is governed by two sets of rules - the written regulations, contained in Official Baseball Rules, Major League Baseball's rulebook, and the unwritten code, which is sort of an oral contract that exists among the manager, coaches, and players.

The written rules govern the technical aspects of the game, such as what constitutes a balk or a throwing error. The unwritten code addresses how the game is played between the foul lines. It teaches us the proper etiquette for sliding into second base; or when you can mention that your starting pitcher is tossing a no-hitter. (Answer: Never!)

The unwritten code is like folk history, passed down from player to player, across the generations, and it exists for one important function: It teaches players respect for the game.

My team and I adhere to the unwritten code because it's a way of earning respect among ourselves and it's a way to pay tribute to players who came before us. We are grateful to the mentors - coaches and older players - who taught us these unwritten rules of the game.

As a young baseball player, I was doubly blessed by having mentors who taught me not only about the unwritten rules of baseball, but the unwritten rules of being a good person and a good partner. They taught me how to respect myself and others; how to be considerate; and what constitutes healthy masculinity. It is about being comfortable with who you are and being confident in the decisions you make. It's about treating others as you want to be treated. It's about loving and respecting your partner as an equal in your relationship. And it's also about responsibility and doing the right thing, and understanding that being able to express your emotions honestly is a sign of strength, not weakness.

In baseball's unwritten rules, there are guidelines for how players should respond if a teammate is hit by a pitch or disrespected by an opponent. But what should you do if your male friend is on the verge of making a bad choice, such as trying to take advantage of an intoxicated girl?

These are conversations that we as men need to have with our friends and sons and our players. We need to engage and mentor our youths so that they grow up to be not just successful ballplayers, but successful husbands and fathers and partners.

To celebrate this coming Father's Day, I visited the website www.pasaysnomore.com and signed a pledge to play a proactive role in ending gender violence in my community, and to serve as a mentor who will educate young men about being respectful dating partners.

Domestic violence and sexual assaults are at epidemic levels in Pennsylvania. Last year, there were 141 domestic-violence-related deaths in the commonwealth, and more than 85,000 Pennsylvanians sought assistance from local domestic violence centers.

The only way we can end this twin scourge is for men to take a leadership role in preventing domestic violence and sexual assaults before they occur. I encourage everyone, but particularly men, to visit www.pasaysnomore.com, sign the pledge, and learn about how they can end domestic violence and sexual assaults in their communities.