Inquirer Editorial: Wanted: Ex-gov with skills

It's been less than three weeks since Ed Rendell left the governor's office, but it seems longer.

Not because we miss him, but because he's already landed five other jobs. Rendell has been hired as a law partner, investment bank adviser, think tanker, television commentator, and newspaper columnist, in addition to existing posts teaching at Penn and armchair-quarter-backing the Eagles. The state hasn't lost a governor so much as it's added a handful of low-show jobs.

Rather than try to restrain Rendell, we came up with some more jobs for him.

High school math teacher: As Ed himself has noted, "the Chinese are kicking our butt" and doing calculus at the same time. We need inspiring teachers to help American students compete. And no kid could fail to grasp integrals after Rendell reprises his 60 Minutes pep talk: "Don't you understand? You're simpletons. You're idiots if you don't get that."

Blackjack dealer: Rendell's metastasizing media presence could help SugarHouse lift its sagging numbers, as could his urging gamblers to hit hard 17s in the interests of paying for public services and losing money they would have lost in New Jersey anyway: "You're an idiot if you don't double down on that."

Life coach: Rendell famously noted that then-Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano had "no life" and "no family." Now he's available to charm and motivate others into enriching their existences.

Executioner: Just before leaving office, Rendell made a classically contradictory policy pronouncement: The death penalty should either be abolished or made more ruthlessly efficient. Due process, in other words, is for a "nation of wusses." Ed could show death row how to off prisoners Chinese-style. Either that or, as he has also proposed, give them puppies.

Movie star: Commenting on the purportedly fierce competition to put him on television, Rendell said, "You would think I was Brad Pitt." Which raises a question: What has Brad Pitt done lately? And couldn't Ed Rendell do it better?

President of Egypt: Slate once figured Rendell "could get elected mayor of Sadr City." So why not Cairo? He could put Las Vegas' Luxor to shame with a casino in a real pyramid.

Let's face it: The world is full of wusses who don't get it. But there's one man who does and, fortunately, he's for hire.