After the Tiger Woods scandal, the parents guide to role models

TIGER WOODS will be in town this week for a PGA tournament that benefits the Tiger Woods Foundation. While it does great work to help kids, all of the focus will be on Woods' efforts to rebuild his scandal-scarred image. Birdies and bogeys are almost an afterthought.

This scandal has had a major effect on parents who had thought Woods represented the gold standard as a role model and sports hero for kids. So here are some rules to help navigate the celebrity role-model minefield:

Rule 1: You can't steer children away from celebrities and sports figures. Kids look up to celebrities and want to emulate them.

It's a natural urge that should not be suppressed, but what concerns me is that many parents disengage from the responsibility of monitoring the media and influences that present prospective role models to kids.

Parents must engage pop culture and be savvy about these figures so they can steer their child away from the most toxic and toward those who offer a reasonable safe harbor.

The city's teams offer a good place to start. The Phillies have recognized players like Chase Utley, Roy Halladay and Ryan Howard who appear to be decent guys. The Sixers, with Allen Iverson gone again, offer a lineup with no history of scandal. The Eagles and Flyers have dozens of players with no public scandals (except Michael Vick). Try to steer kids to the good guys.

Rule 2: This is a never-ending process. Steering kids toward good role models requires constant recalibration because, as the Tiger Woods scandal showed us, there is no endless safe harbor for you and your kids. The best example of this is Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I did many radio shows in which thankful callers were relieved that girls were gaga over such a wholesome yet cool figure. Now we see Cyrus on her way to being the next Lindsay Lohan.

Ride the cool role model for as long as you can, but prepare an exit strategy when you see the signs of trouble. When Cyrus posed provocatively in that infamous bed shot, it was a clear signal that it was time to bail.

With recalibration comes the importance of communication. Bad news offers parents an opportunity, depending on the child's age, to address the reasons for concern over a role model. This is a very good moment in which you may talk about the disappointment you have in some public figure that you admired.

The Tiger Woods scandal, unfortunately, came without a clear warning and probably resulted in a slew of teachable moments.

Rule 3: Role model talent and behavior are two different things. When your child expresses interest in a celebrity or athlete, try to distinguish the modeling of behavior based on the talent of the hero versus the type of person he might be.

My father did a good job of this when he'd say: "If the Phillies win or lose, I still have to get up and go to work to pay the mortgage - and so will you." It's all about admiring the talent, style or coolness of the celebrity without going over the line and fixating on their private lives.

This is a very tricky area for parents, but it can be done by being careful over time with the ways you frame role models for your child. Focus your compliments on the skill or talent, not so much on the person. Talk about the ability to run fast, hit a fastball or shoot a puck, but try to avoid comments that say these skills make the player a good person.

Rule 4: Learning from mistakes. This builds on Rule 3. In the case of fallen sports heroes like Woods or Vick, parents can use their stumbles to talk about comebacks, redemption and overcoming mistakes. This should be a sweet spot for parents because this lesson applies to everyone and is relevant to everyday life.

This rule enables parents to teach children important life lessons about bad judgment and poor behavior. While this is a process that takes time as you and your child see if a role model takes steps to repair and rebuild his life, it can help to clarify lessons about apology, making amends and forgiveness.

Rule 5: A note to celebs - you are role models, so deal with it. Parents must simply push back against Charles Barkley's famous mantra that he is not your child's role model. Barkley even used this as the text for his "I'm not a role model" Nike commercial.

Charles, we parents are not asking you, Woods or Cyrus to raise our kids. All we ask is that you and other celebrities don't make that job harder by being a jerk or a felon.

So just do it!

Teacher-turned-talk-show-host Dom Giordano is heard on WPHT/1210 AM. Contact him at askdomg@aol.com.