How the church is like McDonald's

WHO BETTER TO talk to Catholics about divorce than a three-time divorcee who describes herself as a devout Catholic?

Lately, anyway.

Speaker Rose Sweet's story proves there's no "sell by date" for redemption and forgiveness by the church. She was assigned the topic, "I Am with You: Struggling with Divorce," by the World Meeting of Families. The "I" in the title refers to God.

I chose to sit in on this talk because, like Sweet, I am a three-time marital loser. Divorce is a catastrophic event in the lives of most who have had one, but possibly more so for Catholics, whose faith prohibits it.

Before the question period, which kicked some sand into the gears, Sweet gave some road-tested advice on how you can help someone else get through it.

She offered four steps: listen, lead, love and let go. Listen means listen to the person, hear the pain. Lead the person, without pushing or pulling, to Jesus. Love means what it says. Let go when necessary.

Sweet came of age in the '60s, and the siren song of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll led her to put her faith "on the shelf." She married early, basically to get out of the house, to a Prince Charming, who was neither.

She married twice more, she said, not really knowing what she was looking for. The missing element of her life, she discovered, was Jesus. She returned to him and now has been married, happily, for 20 years.

Happy ending for her, but not for some who rose to ask questions or make statements about their sad condition and the lack of response by the church.

An older gentleman from Wisconsin, who said he was the victim of a "no-fault" divorce in 1984, said he "doesn't see the church loving him," because his wife refused to agree to an annulment, which leaves him stranded in marriage in the eyes of the church. His nonreligious ex-spouse didn't care about her status.

He has moved from "celibate stoicism to celibate anger," he said.

A 60-ish woman from Florida said that after her abusive, alcoholic husband divorced her, she also was left in the lurch. "I am unhappy and disappointed in my church that I love," she said. "There is no ministry for people like me."

Somewhat nonplussed by the direct criticism, Sweet tried without much success to offer balm.

This session, which drew about 200, comes against the backdrop of Pope Francis' move to streamline and simplify the annulment process, which makes the marriage vanish, like magic. When granted, annulment allows "divorced" Catholics to remarry and to receive Communion.

It is kind of a necessary game the church plays to sidestep the prohibition against divorce.

Even before Pope Francis, annulments were available, but they were unusual, time-consuming and expensive.

The new church approach, some call it the "Francis effect," could be just a tonal difference, but it might be more than that.

The divorce rate among Catholics is 25 percent, according to Pew Research, which counted 51 million Catholics in the U.S. in 2014, down 3 million from 2007.

The Catholic Church is like a franchise losing market share. If you ignore your customers, you wind up like Gino's Hamburgers: out of business.

McDonald's was losing customers and responded just this month by offering new items and all-day breakfasts.

How long will it be before a church with dwindling membership reaches out for the unwillingly "divorced," who feel abandoned and unloved?

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