How Trump vs Clinton is invading the nation's bedrooms

The election battle between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump bypassed politics and policy this weekend, boring into bedrooms and reopening old divides between the sexes.

It's an election we can't unfollow, unlike any America's seen. Relationship experts say this veritable wasteland is actually a fertile time for serious talk between the sexes, for some men to see that their locker rooms are filthy and that women need them to clean them up.

One Philadelphia therapist, Jane Shure, called the election an opportunity to out "boy behavior."

"I find it all disgusting and really sad, but on the other hand I find it thrilling that it's all out in the open," said Shure, cofounder of the Resilience Group. "I think it's really an opportunity for guys to expose guy culture. Women have been trying to expose guy culture for decades. When we do it, we get dismissed."

On Friday, when the Washington Post published video of a married Trump talking in 2005 about groping women, the election introduced coarser language to front pages and family breakfast tables.

Trump's comments were shared millions of times on Facebook and Twitter, and the millions of posts, comments, and replies that followed gave a peek into the nation's splinters.

Women shared memories of being catcalled, objectified as part of everyday life. Some, for the first time, talked of being sexually assaulted.

It set up a PG-13-rated presidential debate. Or maybe R-rated.

"The level of extreme language is unheard of," said "Alex" Caroline Robboy, founder of Therapy in Philadelphia. "In marriage counseling, I would never let anyone talk to each other this disrespectfully."

The events of the last few days have cleaved the sexes, generations, and even Trump's own party. He apologized for his comments - a hot mic had recorded him bragging about using his celebrity to force himself on women - saying that was just locker-room talk.

"I've talked to a number of women who are voting for Hillary and have had conversations with their husbands about why they find Donald Trump's behavior offensive," Shure said. "Their husbands are not registering. They have been socialized to minimize and downplay the impact.

"Boy behavior has a lot of joking, teasing, and putting one another down. In their younger days, they become anesthetized to being hurt and offended. They get really good at it."

The market research firm YouGov saw a divide, too. Its poll found that 45 percent of married women reported they were voting for Clinton, while only 33 percent of married men thought their wives were voting for her.

On Sunday, the first question asked of Trump and Clinton at the second presidential debate was whether they were being proper role models for children. The question went unanswered, then things got personal - and profane.

Trump was accused of bragging about sexual assault. Clinton was presented with women her husband was alleged to have sexually harassed or assaulted.

When Clinton spoke and strayed from her lectern, Trump moved in close behind her like a "lion," one body-language expert said. He repeatedly interrupted her.

Men and women watching together at home may not have noticed the same thing. Hillary Clinton's smile, for example, probably belied the rage she felt inside, said Patti Wood, author of SNAP - Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma.

"Women smile to cover up their anger," Wood said. "She's been trained her whole career to let it roll off her back, and I think what happens is she can't win either way. She can't win by smiling and she certainly can't get angry. She has to walk the 'B' line. They have to walk this very fine line for what's acceptable for a woman."

Lillian Glass, author of He Says She Says: Closing the Communication Gap Between the Sexes, said she believed Trump's apology, specifically his rounded shoulders, made him look authentic.

"I think he's truly embarrassed," Glass said.

She said she doesn't believe Trump will droop too often though.

"He's not going to change," she opined. "I think he's just going to continue to do what does. He is genuine, no matter what he does."

Trump may not be changing, but Shure said the culture can make a dent in toxic masculinity by focusing on boys.

"I have heard from school counselors and about 10 to 15 years ago there became a disturbing trend that boys were no longer calling one another out on bad behavior," she said. "No one is saying, 'Hey buddy, cut it out, you're going too far.' "

It helps that pro athletes and coaches have called out Trump for his "locker room" remarks.

Fatherhood changes the mind-sets of men who'd normally stay quiet - for the better, she said. Anything helps if it makes a man stop and think about what he's saying and perhaps, even more so, what he hasn't been saying, she added:

"There's a huge amount of unconscious work going on here. We're seeing the most disgusting male behavior, and that's happening as a woman threatens to have the highest level of power in the nation."

narkj@phillynews.com

215-854-5916@jasonnark