N.J. family nears goal of Gold Star monument

They had just come home from shopping that Friday evening when they heard the bell ring.

Ken Gurbisz opened the front door, saw three solemn-looking Army officers, and immediately "knew what was going on. My heart sunk."

He walked to the kitchen to prepare his wife, Helen.

"I told her, 'You have to be brave,' and she was," he said. "She was very brave."

On Nov. 4, 2005 - a day they will never forget - the Gurbiszes became Gold Star parents, joining countless other New Jersey families who have lost loved ones during wartime service.

Their son, Army Capt. Jim Gurbisz, who provided security for convoys traveling between Baghdad and its airport, had been killed when his armored humvee was hit by an improvised explosive device.

Nearly 10 years later, the soldier's parents head a successful effort to erect the Gold Star Family Monument on the grounds of the New Jersey Vietnam Veterans' Memorial in Holmdel, Monmouth County.

They will mark the construction phase of the project with a groundbreaking ceremony at 2 p.m. May 3 at the site, 1 Memorial Lane. The monument will be installed this summer and dedicated Sept. 27.

"We wanted to honor the sacrifices of the families of those who made the ultimate sacrifice," said Ken Gurbisz, 66, an Army helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War who was deputy director of the New Jersey Vietnam Veterans' Memorial Foundation from 2009 to 2011.

The monument, now being created by sculptor Brian Hanlon of Toms River, N.J., will consist of several pieces of polished stone and bronze.

A black granite obelisk, rising about seven feet, will be topped with a bronze pyramidal cap representing the gold star, seen in banners displayed by surviving family members. Each of the cap's five sides will be covered with 10 stars, representing the 50 states.

Flanking it will be two benches - one with a bronze figure of a man, possibly a father, holding the dog tags of a deceased loved one, and the other with bronze figures of a child and a woman holding a folded flag, customarily given after military funerals.

The sculptor "hit it on the head with that," said Gurbisz, who served as the manager of generation stations for Public Service Electric & Gas before retiring in 2003.

The monument will be the end point of the New Jersey Run for the Fallen, from Cape May to Holmdel, on Sept. 24 to 27. The annual run pays tribute to state residents who died in service to the nation and their families. More than 16,000 have given their lives since World War I.

The event's board of trustees formed a committee under Ken and Helen Gurbisz in 2013 to design, fund, and build the Gold Star Family Monument as a site of meditation and reflection.

It will be a place where the couple will recall their son, who had just completed running a convoy to the airport in 2005 and was heading back to his base when the lead vehicle was struck by an IED.

The 25-year-old captain quickly headed to the assistance of injured comrades when his humvee was also hit by an IED placed on the side of the road. He was one of two killed; two others were injured.

"Jim had always wanted to serve in the Army," said Ken Gurbisz, of Eatontown. "We live near Fort Monmouth, and he was raised with military children."

The younger Gurbisz graduated from West Point in 2002 and was serving with the Third Infantry Division at the time of his death.

Sharing the news of Jim Gurbisz's death was difficult. "It's the most horrible call you can make, calling your relatives and telling them that Jim was killed," said Ken Gurbisz. "The news was horrible for his wife, both grandmothers, and his godmother.

"His younger nephews were 7 to 10 years old, and they were devastated," he said. "My sorrow can't be measured, but the rest of the family suffered, too."

The monument costs about $85,000 and the pavers and landscaping around it an additional $15,000, said Ken Gurbisz. "We're right there now, within about $5,000," he said.

About $100,000 more is required for the monument's maintenance and education programs.

"We're proud to be participants in the Gold Star Family Monument for our son Billy and all the other men and women who served in Iraq and Afghanistan," Patricia and William Neil of Holmdel said in a statement. They lost their son, Army Special Forces Staff Sgt. William Robert Neil Jr., 38, on March 22, 2008, in Afghanistan.

The families view the monument as an educational medium, depicting the emotional journey of a Gold Star family, the loss endured, and the sacrifices families continue to make.

"This monument is for all of us here in New Jersey, especially the families of the fallen, who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country," Marion and Dennis Zilinski of Howell said in a statement. They lost their son, Army Lt. Dennis W. Zilinski II, 23, on Nov. 19, 2005, in Iraq.

The monument "will be a place where family - cousins aunts, brothers, and sisters - can come and sit, and think about what's going on," said Ken Gurbisz. "You don't realize how so many people are affected."