Q: I dated a woman for six months, but it didn't pan out. I tried, I loved her, but she wasn't sure whether she loved me. She was totally unable to make up her mind. Now I'm completely torn up on this. Do I stay friends with her, hoping she'll change her mind some day? Do I cut her off and end any relationship with her forever? Or do we somehow end up being friends, no love, just friendship? I've thought about it and can't quite decide what makes the most sense for us.
Steve: Well, the best I can say is, no matter how challenging it is:
You got to have friends, the feeling's oh so strong.
You got to have friends to make the day last long.
No one can predict the future, but having a friend is better than not having one.
Mia: How much pain do you think you'll be able to take? She probably won't change her mind about you, so you might be sentencing yourself to a lot of unnecessary misery whenever you're together. On the other hand, you may end up in a physical, loving relationship with someone else and be able to enjoy her friendship.
Q: I'm getting headaches over and over again because I just can't decide who is the best relationship for me. I love it when we start, but as time goes on, I start wondering if this really is the right answer. I keep meeting women who seem interested and maybe better than the last ones. How can I know? Because of my indecision, I'm making women angry and myself nervous. Help!
Steve: Did you ever have to finally decide? And say yes to one and let the other one ride? Your problem is thinking that there's always a one-way answer. There isn't. Whatever you think is the answer may not be. And whatever you think can't be the answer, could be the answer. Life is like that. No rush. Take your time. But understand that, whichever way you choose, you might actually be better off the opposite way. Ya never know.
Mia: Steve quotes old rock songs, I'll quote Voltaire: "The perfect is the enemy of the good." While you wait around for the ideal relationship, which may never arrive, you may miss out on the good relationship that could grow into ideal.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or firstname.lastname@example.org.