Tell Me About It: Anxiety triggers long-distance lying

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Question: I just found out that my long-distance boyfriend has been lying to me. He was supposed to be at a location for work for 15 weeks. Apparently, that turned to six because his job wanted him to return to go to school. That meant an incredibly difficult time for him to manage school, work, and his kids, and he said he felt a tremendous amount of pressure to see me. He thought lying to me about his location would keep me from pressuring him to see me.

I'm devastated. He's begging me to let him prove to me that he can be truthful. I love him deeply, but my last relationship was full of lies. Can I put out the fire?

Answer: What do you think?

Set aside the fact that he preferred lying to standing up for himself. (Serious immaturity.) You're now with your second consecutive liar.

That means you have to take a hard look for a common denominator in you, be it in what you find attractive, how you overrule your gut, what type of communication you regard as normal, things maybe worth discussing with a reputable therapist. Love and devotion can be magical things, but if the two of you can't just Deal With Stuff, then they become what you hide behind till there's no love and devotion left.

The best way for him to avoid pressure is for you to stop pressuring him, no?

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