Why not be honest about breakup reasons?
Also, Steve & Mia help a woman who likes to keep her eyes closed during sex.
Q: I've met a number of people through online dating services, and things usually start off well then just go downhill. After four or five dates, the woman calls it off. I can never get a straight answer on what I'm doing wrong. Why won't they just be honest?
Steve: Most people hate breaking up, and if they were frank about the reasons, they feel that it would hurt you even more. But honesty ("You smell," "I hate your beard," "Your taste in music sucks") is best, no matter how hurtful. As the great Iris Dement sings, "I'll take my sorrow straight." Maybe you can circle back to someone who dumped you a while ago and ask for an assessment. The wounds have healed and she's more likely to be honest.
Mia: Don't assume that you've done anything wrong or that something about you is off. The thing with online dating is that if you do it correctly, you get flooded with offers. When I tried online dating, I got thousands of offers from desirable men around the world. That probably is what's happening with the women you've been meeting. Keep trying, and eventually you'll stumble across Ms. Right.
Q: Out of nowhere my boyfriend asked me to open my eyes and look at him while we were making love. I tried to but it really cooled things off for me. I prefer to close my eyes and just zone out. When I tried to talk to him about it, he told me it would bring us closer. I liked things the way they were. What should I do?
Mia: Imagine having sex with someone and you're looking at their face and they've got their eyes closed the whole time, fantasizing about who knows what. That's what your boyfriend's experience is. Try it his way and see if you can't learn to keep them open at least part of the time. You may like what you see!
Steve: Some people like talk, some like silence. Some like dark, some like light. Some like eyes open, some like eyes closed. Compromise: Keep one eye open.