Steve & Mia: She boozes up to get in the buff
Should he be worried that his sex partner reaches for a drink when it's time to have sex?
Q: I'M IN a new relationship. Whenever we are about to have sex, I see my partner reaching for the wine bottle. What's up with that? I tried talking to her about it but she just keeps on doing it. Is this something I should worry about?
Mia: Maybe. Alcoholism is a complex addiction. But something tells me your girlfriend is using booze to lower her sexual inhibitions. Keep talking to her. And also keep an eye peeled to see if alcohol is an issue anywhere else in her life. If so, you may have to stage an intervention.
Steve: When it comes to sex, usually it's the man offering wine to the woman. But Mia's on to something. If she's dependent on alcohol in any way, she needs to seek help.
Q: My boyfriend has several guns, one that he keeps in a drawer next to our bed. I never thought anything about this until we moved in together and had a baby, and things began to get a little tense between us after he was laid off. Lately, he's drinking a lot and when we argue, things get really loud. He's never put his hands on me aside from maybe a shove or two, but he has a way of getting up in my face. I'm a little scared of him and find myself tiptoeing around so I don't make him mad. What if, one day, things really escalate? I've talked to him about it and he says he'd never do anything like that. Part of me believes him. But another part of me's not so sure.
Steve: "A shove or two"? You're "a little scared of him"? Sister, you have got an abusive boyfriend. Seek help from a qualified expert.
Mia: Your gut is telling you what your guy is capable of. Don't ignore your instincts. Trust yourself but be extremely cautious. If you decide to move out, that might set him off. That's the last thing you want.
You need to take action in a way that keeps both you and your baby safe. Reach out to a domestic abuse hotline for advice on safely easing your way out of there.