Pet obituaries offer way to say goodbye

They provide comfort in times of distress, laughter in moments of gravity, love during spells of loneliness. They are, to paraphrase writer Edith Wharton, a heartbeat at one's feet.

Pets are our best friends, faithful companions, and family members. And not even death, it seems, can break that bond.

Nowhere is that more apparent than in the increasing number of pet obituaries.

On websites such as Doggy Heaven and Immortal Pets, on blogs such as the Orange County Register's Pet Tales, on countless personal Facebook pages, grief-stricken pet owners funnel their sadness into heartfelt, often heart-wrenching tributes.

The obituaries - accompanied by photos, poems, and notes of condolence - are part therapy and part memorial.

The sites also testify to the coveted place pets hold in American culture. About 62 percent of households, or 71.4 million homes, now include pets, according to the American Pet Products Association.

Online obituaries offer pet owners a way to channel the pain of losing a pet. Kristin Tomyn, a 39-year-old real estate agent from Indianapolis, was distraught after the sudden death of Dakotah, her 12-year-old Siberian husky, and was searching the Internet for consolation when she saw Doggy Heaven.

The site's home page, with a sky-blue background and a logo of a dog collar glowing like an angel's halo, appealed to Tomyn. As did the Doggy Heaven mission statement: "All dogs go to heaven. Doggy Heaven is a place of solace and joy where you can honor the memory of your departed canine companions."

Tomyn immediately began writing her online elegy for Dakotah. "The sun has set on your life but you will never be forgotten! We miss you soooo much! I am lost."

The words, she says, just spilled out, along with 12 years' worth of memories. The socks hidden throughout the house. The chewed-up napkins and toilet paper. The "banana" toy Dakotah licked as if it were her puppy.

Posting the obituary, Tomyn says, helped her get through early feelings of shock and loss.

Doggy Heaven, which began operating about two years ago, now has a database of more than 1,200 dog obituaries. The site is free and allows owners to post photos and information such as nicknames, favorite toys, and favorite games. Visitors can add messages and donate "dog treats" in memoriam.

The site has been a labor of love for its founder, Joann Cencula.

"I got the idea when I was walking through a cemetery, and realized how the presence of headstones, markers, and dates showed that the person was loved by somebody, that they belonged to a family," says Cencula, 59.

Cencula, a help-desk analyst at a community college near Cleveland, always envisioned the site as a place that would capture the joy of owning a dog, rather than the sorrow of losing one. "I wanted it to feel fun and delightful and respectful of the family a dog becomes," says Cencula, who has posted a tribute to her own Labrador retriever.

At Immortal Pets, owners Terry and Eileen Oldroyd take a more somber approach. That site, which includes tributes for any kind of pet, has a black color scheme, the strains of Beethoven's Fur Elise playing in the background, and flickering candles on the screen.

The couple, both real estate brokers in Orange County, Calif., bought the site four years ago on eBay, thinking the $35 per obituary registration fee could bring in a modest side income. Instead, they found themselves donating memorials to mourning pet owners who wanted to post obituaries but lacked the fee.

"We would get e-mails from people in tears, saying they wanted to have a memorial for Fido but couldn't afford it - from people who had nothing in the world but their pet," said Oldroyd. "I'm a strong-willed individual who's had a tough life, but I had tears in my eyes."

Immortal Pets, which now has about 2,000 obituaries for dogs, cats, birds, and rats, offers both public and private memorials and includes a section for free obituaries.

One of those pages belongs to Christopher McKee, a Shih Tzu who died March 20, 2007. His memorial, which shows more than 9,000 page views, reads in part: "Christopher taught me that life is too short; that money cannot buy anything that is really important and that unconditional love is rare and lasts for eternity."