Closed to her moral choices, parents avoid her open house

DEAR ABBY: Our amazing daughters are in their late 20s. Both of them are independent, intelligent and loving. My wife and I have always been supportive in all aspects of our daughters' lives, and that will never change.

They have been dating great guys over the past five years whom we believe they will ultimately marry. The problem? My wife and I were raised with certain values, and our daughters have recently moved in with their boyfriends. We do not approve but respect their decisions as adults.

One daughter plans to have an open-house party celebrating their new place. She's upset that my wife and I have indicated we won't be attending, because doing so would be difficult and against our beliefs. We have understood her decision, but she does not appear to respect ours. Are we wrong to take this stance?

- Against the Tide in New Jersey

DEAR AGAINST: I think so. Your daughter is an adult. Do you plan to continue "punishing" her and the man you say you approve of until they tie the knot? She and her boyfriend have been a couple for five years now, and their relationship appears to be progressing nicely. It's not unusual for couples today to live together. I see nothing to be gained by skipping their open house - but I do see something to lose.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's grandmother keeps purchasing season tickets to the theater for me. My kids, husband and I are all involved in activities, and the theater conflicts with these activities. As well, I don't particularly enjoy the group of people that we go there with.

How do I get out of going to the theater without hurting anyone's feelings?

- No Thanks in Canada

DEAR NO THANKS: The most effective way to accomplish that would be to stop beating around the bush and tell your husband's grandmother you would prefer not to be included, and the reason why.