She's been OK being unattractive, till now

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30 and have felt pretty happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social life, staying fit and extensive stays abroad. I thought I was going along OK, even though there is still room for improvement.

My biggest (or most obvious) shortcoming, however, is that I'm not attractive in any way. Guys have never been attracted to me, so any chance at a future with someone is not an option. I thought I was learning to accept it, but it's harder than I thought - especially because of reactions from other people.

Now that I'm older, people look at me with pity or treat me strangely.

I don't know how to handle the constant questioning about whether I have found someone yet. It is not going to happen.

Is there something wrong with me?

I'm starting to feel like a total loser and complete failure.

- Loser in Love

DEAR LOSER IN LOVE: If you are asked whether you have "found someone yet," tell the person the truth, that 'Mr. Right' hasn't found you yet.

There are worse things than singlehood. You have so many positive things going for you in your life, it's time you recognized it. The person who deserves pity isn't someone who is single; it's someone who is trapped in a marriage to a husband she doesn't love or who treats her badly.

Your problem isn't that you are a "loser," it's that you have low self-esteem. You could benefit from talking to a counselor about this. For others to appreciate your finer qualities, you need to stop being so hard on yourself.