He bit off more than she can chew

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my dear husband for 20 years. Several years after our wedding, I found out he was dipping chewing tobacco. I was very upset because I realized he had been keeping a major secret from me. He has tried to quit several times, but starts up again.

It makes me furious every time I see proof of this disgusting habit. I know he will quit only when he is ready, but how do I live with it? - Unhappy About It in Texas

DEAR UNHAPPY: People who are addicted to chewing tobacco are at risk for cancers of the mouth, tongue and throat. I would be shocked if your husband's dentist hasn't discussed this with him more than once, because these cancers can be not only disfiguring but also life-threatening, if the patient can be saved.

My advice for living with an addict is to join a support group. It will help you recognize that you can't "fix" your husband. He and he alone is responsible for his own fate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man with a big heart. We come from a small town, and he remained there until a year ago when he moved in with me. We now live in a major city and things are very different here. Applying for jobs requires a background check. He was, to put it gently, quite "mischievous" when he was younger. He has a couple of DUIs, plus a few other things.

Despite his efforts he has been unable to find work. (He has no felonies.) There are websites to assist felons, but none to assist people like him. How does someone with a criminal history find employment?

- Feeling Helpless in Virginia

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: Some laws in certain jurisdictions limit an employer's ability to look at criminal records. It might be worth your while to discuss this with a labor lawyer in your state to find out what the statutes are, because it is not the same in all states. While it might not solve your problem, it will give you a realistic idea of what the two of you are facing in the future.