'Pen pals' or 'pen friends,' their bond is lasting

It all began when the girls were 10-year-olds, clutching pencils at their school desks and writing letters to a stranger halfway around the world. The class assignment ended, but the connection didn't.

Now, almost 30 years later, Tina Fuoco of Philadelphia, U.S.A., and Vanessa Hunt of Auckland, New Zealand, are still in touch. Randomly matched when Fuoco was a fifth grader at Haddonfield Friends School and Hunt was a student at Bucklands Beach Primary School, their relationship was bonded by countless missives sent in airmail envelopes, cassette tapes, eventually e-mail, and now Facebook messages.

They were "pen pals," in American parlance. They prefer the New Zealand term, "pen friends." And they actually became much more than that.

"We have become family from a distance," said Hunt, 39. "I hope nothing more than to be still writing to Tina until we are both very old, and still be sharing in all the joys of our families."

Added Fuoco, 38: "Vanessa is the one constant from that time in my life. So many people I know are like 'I had a pen pal in elementary school. I wish we'd kept in touch.' We actually did."

Today, Fuoco, a veterinarian expecting her second child in October, lives in Bella Vista with husband Chad Carnahan and their 5-year-old daughter, Amelia.

Hunt is married to husband Rob and has three children - the oldest 5-year-old Emma - and lives in Auckland.

The mothers' goal is to have Amelia and Emma continue the "pen friend" tradition.

To that end, the two 5-year-olds have begun by exchanging books. Among the titles Amelia has received: Perky the Pukeko, about the adventures of a flightless New Zealand bird.

It's hard for the girls to imagine how far they are from each other. Amelia knows that Emma's house is beyond City Hall, even beyond North Carolina, and that you can't drive there.

"But even I have a hard time thinking they're in a totally different day," Fuoco said.

Emma has already told her classmates that she has a pen friend in America, wherever that is. She told her mother she wanted Amelia to attend her next birthday party.

"She does know that she has to visit on a plane and it is where [Disney character] Doc McStuffins lives," Hunt said. "I really hope that both the girls will gain an understanding of friendship near and far. I hope they will be proud of the longevity of Tina and my relationship, and I hope they can strive for similar."

Fuoco and Hunt follow each other's lives on Facebook. They send electronic messages. The only time they use traditional post - snail mail - is for exchanging birthday and holiday gifts.

But their correspondence began when waiting by the mailbox for news was the norm. The letters, often on thin airmail paper, would arrive after weeks in transit.

"I loved waiting for the return overseas mail from Tina," Hunt said.

The exchanges weren't deep philosophical musings, especially in the beginning. They would write about what they had for dinner or what they did during the school day. Hunt was a competitive swimmer, while Fuoco was a gymnast and dancer. They told tales from races and recitals.

"We'd share our daily lives and see how different or similar our lives were," Fuoco said.

Sometimes, Fuoco recalled, Hunt would use a word or phrase that she didn't understand. She would quickly write a reply, asking for an explanation, and then wait for a month or so for an answer.

Fuoco said she wrote the address of Hunt's childhood home so often that she still has it memorized: "7 Embling Place," she said. She recalled visiting New Zealand for the first time and seeing the structure that matched the appellation.

"I was so excited," Fuoco said. "I said, 'I know this address!' "

Hunt said her memory of Fuoco's family address is a little hazy.

"I remember that she lived in Haddonfield, New Jersey," Hunt said. "After having three children, I can barely remember what I did yesterday, so I think that is pretty good!"

In their teen years, the women sent each other audio tapes. Fuoco remembers being surprised when she heard Hunt's voice.

"It was the first time I realized she had an accent," Fuoco said.

Of course, Hunt remembered the cassettes as well. But it is Fuoco, she noted, who has the accent.

There were periods of time, in college especially, when communications between Fuoco and Hunt faltered. Maybe a year would pass with just a few cards exchanged.

But they always reconnected. In 1997, the longtime correspondents met in person in London. Hunt was living in Edinburgh. Fuoco was studying in France.

"We walked past each other in the street, going to each other's hotels," Hunt remembered. "I was extremely nervous meeting her for the first time. It was surreal, but so exciting."

They spent a few days together. Flipping through a memory book from that time recently, Fuoco shared the first photo of the two together. She, too, feared the women would feel awkward around each other. Instead, they slid easily into companionship. "There was no awkwardness," Fuoco said. "We explored a new city together."

In 2003, Hunt came to the United States to attend Fuoco's wedding at the Jersey Shore. Four years later, Fuoco and her husband went to New Zealand and watched as Hunt and her groom exchanged vows. The American couple spent a few weeks in the country, touring with members of Hunt's family.

"She just fit into my family perfectly, and we miss her and Chad terribly," Hunt said. "It was so nice that we could experience one of the most important days of each other's lives."

In some ways, staying in touch started as a long-hewed habit, like brushing teeth. The relationship intensified with in-face meetings and shared adventures. Then, just as their lives were getting busier with children, Facebook made things easier, almost effortless.

In Fuoco's mind, she sees Amelia taking pen to paper to write to her pen friend. More realistically, she acknowledges that electronic communications will probably prevail.

But there is something so wonderful and tangible about a handwritten letter, in an envelope, preserved for a lifetime, she said. While flipping through her memory book, Fuoco found such a letter from Hunt.

Written when both women were in Europe and trying to figure out how to meet, the two-page letter detailed the work Hunt was doing and discussed her weekend plans and offered a fax number for quicker communications.

Although times have changed, Hunt's sign-off remains true: "Your friend always, Vanessa."