He's locked out Mom to stop her snooping

DEAR ABBY: My partner of 12 years and I are well-educated, successful career men. Every few months my mom comes to visit.

The last few visits were not so great. We caught Mom snooping in our bedroom and our home office. When we confronted her, she got upset and stormed out of the room in tears.

We recently had some renovations done to the house that included locks on our bedroom and office doors. When neither of us is home, the doors stay locked. Nothing was said about it during Mom's last visit, but last week we received a note from her telling us not to come for our usual summer visit. I tried to call her, but she won't answer.

Today I talked with my aunt (Mom's sister), who told me Mom is furious over the locks. My aunt also expressed disappointment in me for "shutting Mom out." Please advise.

- In a Jam in St. Pete

DEAR IN A JAM: Although your mother deserves respect, it is hard to respect someone who goes through one's bedroom and office after having been asked not to. What Mom is doing is the equivalent of throwing a tantrum. You were not shutting her out; you were drawing the line. You owe no one an apology.

Let's hope this storm blows over soon.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother was very poor. As a child, I noticed that most of the gifts she received were regifted to others. At first, it upset me because I spent a lot of time choosing a "perfect" gift for her. Then I realized she was enjoying the gift twice.

I get so tired of people whining about "regifting." People who don't want to receive regifts should let the givers know so they won't waste their generosity on them in the future.

- The Joy of Giving

DEAR JOY: I suspect that some complainers may have confused the monetary value of the item with how much they - the recipients - are valued in the relationship. As you point out - and I agree - it really is the spirit in which a gift is given that counts.