Tell Me About It: He'd rather be wed to wife's friend

Question: I've long thought I'd rather be married to my wife's friend (they met after our marriage), because Friend and I have more similar interests and personalities. Wife has even non-jealously commented on our apparent compatibility.

I've waited years for these thoughts to fade, but they've only gotten stronger. Friend has a positive outlook on life, whereas Wife's issues with moodiness and negativity can be draining.

I don't know how Friend feels about me (she's single). Wife and I don't have kids, and if I could press a button and have a new life with Friend, I'd do it. But I know it isn't that simple.

So, what should I be asking myself in figuring out what to do? I never thought I believed in divorce with non-abusive marriages, but the idea of how much happier I could be has me very confused.

Answer: There's only one question to ask yourself: Would it be right to leave your marriage if this friend didn't exist?

For your purposes, she doesn't. Your "much happier" ending is too messy and too speculative to be treated as a realistic option.

But your wife's "moodiness and negativity" do exist; is she unhappy, too? Talking about each other's needs, and whether they're being met - with a good therapist, if that helps - is your best option. Distance from Friend is essential.

It's just one question, packing a seriously difficult answer.