Chick Wit: Age carries truth that time does fly

Time flies.

Some of you will say it's a cliche, and others will say it's a proverb, but it doesn't matter which to me. I'm not too cool for school, and have no complaint with cliches. A great thing about getting older is that you come to see the profound truth in even the simplest of ideas. And I'm finally beginning to understand that Time Flies.

There are too many reminders for me to ignore, especially around tax time. I'm self-employed, so I pay taxes each quarter, and on April 15, I thought, didn't I just pay my taxes? Was it really a few months ago, when it seems like a few minutes ago? Every time I turn around, I'm writing checks to the government, supporting all manner of astronomically expensive God-knows-whats, so that by now the time of my life has stretched like taffy into one continuous check written to the government.

I know I shouldn't complain about paying my taxes when there are so many Wall Street bankers who need the bonuses, Maseratis, and Manhattan brownstones that I'm buying them. And now the government is suing them for all the bad things they've done, which means that I can keep writing checks to the government to cover the costs of the litigation, too. This is great news, because I was afraid I would have extra money on my hands and nothing to do with it but buy dumb stuff such as food, or maybe stick it in the bank where it would only help the bankers fund their defense of the litigation brought by the government on my behalf, thus maintaining my continuous stream of check-writing, like a kind of financial recycling.

All the money the government gets, it turns into compost.

I have the same feeling about the state, federal, and school taxes that come in the mail more often than a Valupak, which is saying something. They break up the monotony by coming in colors, and they even have a little chart that shows how I can save money by paying today, instead of three months from now. I always pay right away, not only to save money but to avoid collisions with the other checks I'll be writing to the government, and so this way I can alternate, writing checks to the state government every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of my life, and writing checks to the federal government every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday of my life.

Every Sunday, I'll order more checks.

But to stay on point, time flies when it comes to other things, too. I have an old truck that I use sometimes, and it broke down the other day, so I had it towed to the shop, where they informed me it was due for inspection in January 2010.

"2010?" I was confused. "Did that come yet?"

"Sure did," answered the mechanic.

Sheesh! 2010? It doesn't even sound right. What sounds right is 1955.

The mechanic added, "Your registration expired, too."

"But I just renewed it. Did you see the sticker?"

"The last sticker on your license plate is from 2008."

"That's not possible," I said, reeling.

"I'd check, but there's no registration card in the truck."

Of course there isn't. Silly man. It's the first thing I lose. Still, I said, "Maybe the registration sticker fell off?"

"Unlikely," said he, and I knew he was right. They back those stickers with Krazy Glue. You could mend the space shuttle with a registration sticker.

I had to go to the auto tag place to renew the registration, but not until I had stopped by the ATM to take out the extortionate $104 it costs, which must be paid in cash, perhaps so it can more easily be composted by the government.

And the ATM machine charged me a $3.00 fee, which will undoubtedly be sent to the bankers at their Hampton addresses, so they can use it to light their cigars.

So you know where this is going.

Time flies.

And so does money.