Ask Amy: Not invited to niece's nuptials

Dear Amy:

I have been a househusband for the last 20 years. I have six sisters and no brothers. Recently, one of my sister's daughters was married, and I was intentionally not invited. Through the family grapevine, I learned that it was my niece's choice.

I've talked to the girl maybe two times in my life, the last being eight years ago when she was in high school. We had a disagreement regarding feminism. It was silly really. There was no name-calling, just me disagreeing with her (I believe) quite radical viewpoints.

It lasted maybe 10 minutes. Anyway, I was hurt that her mother allowed her to not invite me to her wedding. If one of my daughters would have wanted to exclude one of my sisters, I certainly wouldn't have supported such a decision unless supported by something more than a mere difference of opinion.

I feel my sister owes me an apology, and I have chosen to not speak to her until I receive it.

I've made it quite clear that all will be forgiven and forgotten if she does so.

My other sisters' views range from not wanting to get involved to believing it's the bride's choice and should not be blamed on my sister. Am I being unreasonable?

Dear Fuming:

Yes.

You have met this niece twice in her life. On one of the two occasions, you two argued. You don't seem to have a relationship with her.

Oftentimes when people get married, they choose to surround themselves with people whom they actually know.

You don't say which side of the feminism debate you fall on, but I'll assume your niece (and not you) expressed pro-feminist views. She is a grown woman now and - feminist or not - her mother doesn't have to answer for her, explain for her or apologize for her.

If you have a problem with the bride, then take it to the bride.

Mind you, you are completely justified in feeling hurt, but blaming your sister, demanding that she apologize to you and not speaking to her until she does are petty.

Dear Amy: I am part of a blended family, so I have "bonus" family members whom I love and have been very close to for more than 15 years.

The problem is, I am pregnant with my first child and have a name selected that I've always wanted for a child. I have been asked to choose another name because my unborn child's nickname, which I intend to use, is the same nickname that my 4-year-old half-sister uses on a daily basis.

I have been told that there is unwritten "baby name etiquette" and that I shouldn't use the same name if there are objections to it. Am I wrong if I go ahead with my plans?

Dear Confused:

Someone should write a book of "unwritten" rules of etiquette so that we all might see them. In my experience, these unwritten rules generally encompass anything that inconveniences the person citing the alleged rule.

If one person could prevent another from assigning a name to a child merely by objecting to it, there would be no one named Merle. I don't want to live in a world with no Merles.

You are the baby's mother. You will be addressing the child dozens of times a day. If you have thought this through and don't mind that your child will be sharing a name with her aunt, leading people to assume that you named her after her aunt, then by all means go for it.