WHENEVER you think the vacuous herd called "foodies" has exceeded its capacity for self-indulgence, it adds another chapter to the book.
From chasing every "new" ethnic recipe (this week, sautéed Croatian goat testicles), to traipsing into edgy neighborhoods for "street foods" (Kensington beer and bath-salts consommé) to exotic culinary combinations (French/Kazakhstani, Thai/Antarctic, Dutch/Treat), they seem to be (as Oscar Wilde described foxhunting) the unspeakable chasing the uneatable.
Now the "sophisticates" want to eat horse meat.
The French do. Ooo-la-la. That we knew. Now they're saying the Eye-talians dine on equine, too.
I've eaten in Italian restaurants in Italy and don't recall Flicka on the menu. I wasn't in restaurants next door to a stable.
There are among us a few people with such exquisite taste (and aching need to be noticed), they would eat giraffe droppings if you stuck a French name on it. Compared with dishing dung, selling horse is a snap.
Have a bite of Barbaro, sir? A taste of Trigger, my lady? Appetizer of Affirmed? A platter of pinto?
Yes, yes, we must respect diversity, different cultures. That doesn't mean we should emulate them. Cannibals, for instance.
Some people see any animal as all animals; they are all equivalent. These people are misguided.
Most civilized people distinguish among a wild animal, a food-supply animal, a domesticated animal, a service animal and a pet.
If we didn't differentiate, there would be no reason for Americans to not eat dog. Some Asian cultures eat dog. And cat. We don't because we separate delicacy from depravity, most of us do.
We perceive a difference between a farm animal - and they suffer grievously in the food chain - and a beast that provides us with service, such as the horse. (Gen. Custer's horse Comanche was the only 7th Cavalry survivor of the Battle of Little Big Horn.)
Those leading the charge tout horse meat as more healthy than beef. (Beef is the traditional bad guy in these kinds of matchups.)
But when Bedouins say, "The horse is God's gift to mankind," they don't mean gift as in a gourmet choice.
It's sad that the sudden appetite for Seabiscuit arrives against a backdrop of small and hard-fought gains to improve the miserable lives of farm animals.
Laying aside simple humanity, there's danger in horse meat to you, the human consumer.
Because horses are not raised as food animals, "they are treated with drugs administered to animals not intended for human consumption," says Keith Dane, director of equine protection for the Humane Society of the United States. In contrast to Europe, "there is no way to determine whether a horse presented for slaughter has been treated with these drugs." That is a health question, not an emotional pitch.
I wanted to put that to Marc Vetri, the creative and successful chef who defends using horse meat. A phone message and email got no response.
But earlier he told the food blog Foobooz: "Seriously, who decided what animals to eat and not to eat? Is a horse better than a cow or a rabbit?"
Not "better," chef. Companion animal. Service animal. Who decided? Our culture. Would your customers enjoy eating a beautiful thoroughbred they had seen run? How about chomping on retired police horse?
If your culinary tunnel vision lets you think all animals are interchangeable palate-pleasers, offer grilled golden retriever at Vetri and watch what happens.
Phone: 215-854-5977
On Twitter: @StuBykofsky
Columns: philly.com/Byko