‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse’: New director dials up the violence

In "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse," a wise old Indian/wolf tells everyone to prepare for the arrival of "the cold ones."

For a split second - wishful thinking - I thought somebody was going to bring a few six-packs. That would be useful. Have you noticed how much beer Bella's dad drinks in these movies?

I haven't read the books, and I can't say if it's meant to be part of his character, or if Billy Burke is self-medicating, doing what any sensible middle-aged man would do in a movie about (yawn) the exquisite agony of unrequited teen love.

I'm with you, dad. There's not much in this franchise for guys like us, or guys period, though you can see somebody tried really hard to address fundamental concerns of alienated male viewers.

From all the men dragged to "Twilight" by wives, daughters, girlfriends, a subconscious plea has gone out to Stephenie Meyer: While you're constructing this elaborate parable of chastity and desire, is it too much to ask to lop off a few heads?

Well, good news. The studio fired the last director and hired David Slade, who once made a movie in which Ellen Page, of all people, puts a guy's private parts in a garbage disposal, and also "30 Days of Night," a legitimately creepy and superviolent vampire movie.

It is certainly not asking too much of Slade to behead people, and he ups the "Twilight" action factor significantly in "Eclipse." There are welcome outbursts of gratuitous violence, building to a large battle among various vampire and werewolf hordes.

Slade also ups the Lautner factor. Shirtless Taylor (his bare chest becomes a punch line in the movie) has a much bigger role in "Eclipse," as Meyer resizes him as a legitimate romantic rival to Edward (Rob Pattinson).

Great news for Team Jacob, a faction that's grown rapidly among film fans increasingly weary of Edward, whose brooding is understood as internal suffering on the page, but on screen looks like so much moping.

Jacob, on the other hand, gets to change into a wolf and cliff-dive and ride motorcycles, and his dynamism makes him a more cinematic character. As for Lautner's line deliveries, well, when you cast for abs you can't expect Oscars.

The young actors in "Twilight" have been slow to grow into their roles, and the chemistry among the leads has been dodgy. Kristen Stewart, as Bella, has more resonant moments with her father, Burke, who in "Eclipse" has a funny scene that has him nervously broaching the subject of birth control.

Bella is apparently meant to be physically attracted to hunky Jake, but that kind of desire is not laid-back Stewart's strong suit - she's better at languor, and hence her endless swooning with soul mate Edward.

And in any case, Bella must deliver some bad news to Jake. She just wants to be friends. For poor Jake, it's more like man's best friend.

Bella treats him rather alarmingly like a pet. In one scene, Jake shows up as a wolf and Bella strokes his head. (Who's a good boy!) In another, she actually says, "Jake! Stay!"

Perhaps in the next sequel, he will sit up, rollover, and fetch the newspaper.