Epic animation

I saw "Beowulf" earlier this week in IMAX 3-D, until Angelina Jolie appeared nude, when I think the format changed to IMAX 36-D.

Yo^outhae, as they used to say in A.D. 600 Scandinavia. Loosely translated, it means "Yowza."

Be it known this new animated "Beowulf" is certainly not the epic poem you don't remember from your English lit course. It's been converted by Robert Zemeckis into a wacky pop-lit hybrid that combines "Lord of the Rings" nerd appeal with Viking-movie brio, seasoned with naughty bits.

I think the first 40 lines in the movie are "bring me mead." The movie opens with hard-partying Danes in a great Viking hall administered by the besotted King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins), where rugged men sing bawdy songs and wenches clean and serve.

Suddenly terror strikes - King Hrothgar's garment slips from his otherwise nude frame, nearly exposing Hopkins' junk. This is, believe it or not, the first of many such jokes, apparently inserted by animators road-testing Hrothgar's legendary mead.

I bring this up because parents should know that "Beowulf" sits at the crossroads of Christian and pagan culture, and this version revels in its pagan roots.

The actual terror arrives in the form of Grendel, a cursed creature of the earth - depicted here as a huge, deformed, screaming child, composed of exposed sinew and skull, with a distended eardrum that causes him to go nuts at the sound of music or singing.

Grendel slays many warriors, prompting Hrothgar to issue a call for heroes brave enough to fight Grendel. Mighty warrior Beowulf answers the call and immediately proves his bravery by stripping naked (the Danish women stare and gasp) to await Grendel, a beast that cannot be killed by any man-made weapon.

Their smackdown is straight out of "Austin Powers." Beowulf runs the rafters and swings from ropes, but his manhood is always obscured by an object in the foreground. It's typical of the strange way Zemeckis mixes moments of high drama with low comedy.

As dictated by the poem, Beowulf defeats Grendel, whereupon he learns that he has only reached the semifinals. Grendel has an angry mother, the last of the hideous creatures of the earth.

Who ain't, as it turns out, all hideous. Enter Jolie, and exit strict fidelity to the olde English text. Scenarist Neil Gaiman (with Roger Avary) has reimagined her as a naked seductress who takes mostly human form - she's got a tail and hooves that look like high heels. Sleek, silver and somehow supple, she's like the world's dirtiest hood ornament.

And she makes Beowulf an offer he can't refuse. Well he can, but Beowulf - typical guy - has been long at sea, and is single, after all, so he doesn't. This is Zemeckis/Gaiman's bid to make Beowulf more of a fully dimensional, flawed hero, and a semi-modern one as well. The earth-witch offers him pleasure, wealth, power, fame, and he accepts, prolonging an ancient curse that casts a shadow over the land he is meant to protect.

Years later, a chastened Beowulf has a final battle with the dragon born of his dirty deal, bringing the Zemeckis version and the traditional version into semi-alignment.

Both position Beowulf as a protean Arthur, the first great civilizer, who slew the last of the creatures of myth, and by implication the primitive fears of a benighted pagan people being raised from the mire of ignorance and pre-history.

As mentioned above, I saw the movie in IMAX 3-D, which took some of the edge off the plastic, crash-dummy appearance of the "actors" - motion-captured, animated version of live performers. They lack the subtlety of expression that gives rise to emotion, but are able to ride the back of a dragon. *

Produced by Steve Starkey, Robert Zemeckis, Jack Rapke, directed by Robert Zemeckis, written by Neil Gaiman, Roger Avary, music by Alan Silverstri, distributed by Paramount Pictures.