Sideshow: Cruise sues on Suri stories

Uh-oh. This time it's serious. Tie up the hosses, herd the women and children indoors, load that rifle, and get out in the road. Tom Cruise is suing the publisher of two magazines that said he had abandoned 6-year-old daughter Suri following his separation and divorce from Katie Holmes. His rep, Bert Fields, said he filed a lawsuit in an L.A. court seeking $50 million from German guys Bauer Media, publishers of celeb-rags In Touch and Life & Style. A September story in In Touch, for example, claimed that Suri didn't see Tom for 44 days. Fields calls that kind of thing, and headlines like "Abandoned by her daddy," "a vicious lie."

In a celebrated, secretly planned move, Katie filed for divorce (seeking sole custody of Suri) and fled Tom in June while he was filming Oblivion in not-so-nearby Iceland. Fields says Cruise will "undoubtedly" give to charity whatever money emerges from the suit.

"Yesterday was incredible for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you," said Philadelphia Orchestra music director Yannick Nézet-Séguin at the Wednesday morning rehearsal following a hugely successful Verdi Requiem performance at Carnegie Hall on Tuesday.

The eight-minute ovation that greeted him reportedly nearly left the new music director in tears. The concert was his Carnegie Hall debut. And it came with a cliffhanger: Star soprano Marina Poplavskaya had canceled her Sunday performance in Philadelphia because of allergies. And though she was replaced by up-and-coming Philly favorite Angela Meade, nobody knew who exactly would sing on Tuesday. It was Poplavskaya, and during their bows at the end of the performance, both soprano and conductor tried to kneel to each other out of respect and reverence. - David Patrick Stearns

OK, so Donald Trump's promised apocalypse, at noon Wednesday, the bombshell he claimed would change the presidential race, is that he will . . . donate $5 million to a Chicago-based charity of President Obama's choice if the latter makes public his passport and college records. (Like Iron Butterfly's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida?)

The upshot? This is less about Obama than about Trump rehumping the Trump brand. L.A. Times op-ed writer James Rainey calls it a "wretched $5 million gimmick."

For a while now, New York's Oddest has said skeptical stuff about the president's name, national origins, birth circumstances, right to eat food, aesthetics regarding balloon animals, bachata dancing, and fashion sense.

Whatevs. Trump got what he wanted: eyeballs, baby. (Including yours. Right now.) Kenneth Wisnefski, chief executive officer of the WebiMax consulting outfit in Mount Laurel, notes that the news release, posted to Don-O's Facebook account, generated more than 19,000 likes, 7,400 comments, and 6,100 shares. Most of the feedback, Wisnefski says, was negatory, good buddy.

"Most likely not many people cared much," Wisnefski says, but since it was Trump, it got response. It was most likely his try at rekindling his brand: "Charlie Sheen did this last year."

So there's this lovely model, Katherine Jenkins. In August, she denied reports of illicit coziness with soccer geriatric David Beckham. That denial evidently didn't get her enough work, so Tuesday she renewed her denial, explaining, no, this wasn't gratuitous; she'd gotten death threats. ("If you do not deny this again within 48 hours, we will set fire to your family!!!")

Hip-hop's Bobby Brown, for whom 2012 has been eventful, was jacked up on DUI charges for the second time this year in L.A., police said Wednesday. In March, same thing, he got a plea deal, and had a rehab kinda summer. Hmmm. We need hardly mention the death of his ex-wife, Whitney Houston, in February, and his wedding to his manager, Alicia Etheridge, in June. Alicia: Take away the keys!!

Call us rash, but we've always assumed Russell Crowe could ride a bike. But on Tuesday, Russ showed paparazzo J.B. Nicholas he can two-wheel with the best. The photog and buds chased Russ-plus-bodyguard, riding mountain bikes, 7.7 miles, from TriBeCa to Brooklyn, covering the route in 30 minutes, not bad at 10:30 on a Manhattan morn! Russ led them on a merry chase, right to his trailer on the set of Noah, in Williamsburg. Russ tweeted: "11.6km bike ride to work, meditative peace of the morning ritual decimated by paparazzi . . . on bicycles . . . Only in NY folks."

The first snaps of Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's hitching have surfaced, in People. Revelations (they exchanged handwritten vows)! Startling statements (it was "special")! Photos show two undreamably beautiful people, well-dressed. No surprises. People paid a reported $300,000 for it. That's, like, one-fifth of the $1.5 million they paid Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Those two endured the throes of marital agony for 72 whole days. So, what, Jess and Justy are down for, like 141/2 days?

Jon Stewart's recent quip: "I think Romney's leaning Obama." . . . Joe and Tina Simpson, dad and mommy of star offspring Jessica and Ashlee, and grandparents to Jessica's brand-new baby Maxwell (with her intended, Eric Johnson) and Ashlee's son Bronx, 3 (with ex-husband Peter Wentz), have announced they are divorcing after 34 years of weddedness. Tina filed in September. Joe is the daughters' manager. The parents were on the daughter's various reality-TV shows. . . . Vernon Winfrey, Oprah's dad, is filing for divorce from wife of 11 years Barbara. He accuses her of "inappropriate marital conduct" ; her countercomplaint says he has been a serial lady companion and has threatened her with a gun. Oprah's mom, Vernita Lee, now 77, was an unwed teenager when Oprah was born.