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Sideshow: No charges for Christian Bale

Britain's Crown Prosecution Service announced yesterday that Dark Knight hero Christian Bale would not face any charges in connection with his arrest last month for allegedly assaulting his mum and sis, reports E!Online.

Britain's Crown Prosecution Service announced yesterday that

Dark Knight

hero

Christian Bale

would not face any charges in connection with his arrest last month for allegedly assaulting his mum and sis, reports E!Online.

The CPS, which said police would formally caution Bale, added that there was insufficient evidence "to afford a realistic prospect of conviction" on the charges.

Shoot J.R. again. 30 years later . . .

Oh happy, happy day!

Linda Gray,

Patrick Duffy

and the incomparable

Larry Hagman,

76, have confirmed that a sizable chunk of the cast of CBS's

Dallas,

which was on the air from '78 to '91, will attend a live, in-the-flesh fan party at the Southfork Ranch just north of Dallas on Nov. 8 to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the nighttime soap. Fans can mingle with the stars, see a concert and fireworks, and attend a Q&A session. Tickets for the event cost between $100 and $1,000 and go on sale next Friday.

Jerry Lewis on gun incident

Legendary comic - and one of France's most treasured international artistes -

Jerry Lewis

opens up to

Entertainment Tonight

about the widely reported incident at the Las Vegas airport July 25 when he was detained for carrying a .22-caliber gun in his luggage.

"I had a gun in my carrying case, which was given to me by a marvelous engraver," Lewis tells

ET

in a two-part interview scheduled to air last night and tonight. "Last year at the telethon of '07 he presented me with this gorgeous gift. I put it in that traveling case, and I hadn't traveled since that telethon."

Lewis was given a citation and a fine.

Cruise's 'Valkyrie' finally ready

"We saw and tested the movie and we believe a strong movie deserves a strong playdate."

So

Clark Woods

, president of MGM Distribution, said yesterday of

Tom Cruise

's next big-ticket item, the WWII flick

Valkyrie

, which has been given a Dec. 26 opening date - after being pushed back

twice

over the last year.

The production has been plagued with negative chatter. Not without cause, perhaps: Cruise, who plays Col.

Claus von Stauffenberg

, the German war hero who planned to assassinate

Adolf Hitler

, apparently

tries

to speak with a German accent and also dons an eyepatch (as did the real colonel). I cannot wait . . .

Lohan sisters under fire

Has

Ali Lohan

, the 14-year-old lil'-sis-to-embattled-(& potentially bisexual)-celeb

Lindsay

, undergone a breast augmentation procedure?

How dare you

? Writing on her blog, LiLo says she was appalled when two paparazzi accosted her with the question. "My response simply was, 'Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14-year-old girl, and you are a pedophile!' " said the thesp. "It made me feel a bit sick to my stomach." Her mother, she said, would never allow such a thing in the first place.

She ends with a note of optimism: "i got some great clothes from

alexander wang

and i miss

samantha

[

Ronson

] cuz she's out of town

:(

have a wonderful day everyone."

LiLo to study the Torah?

Meanwhile, Life and Style Weekly claims Lindsay is contemplating conversion to Judaism so she can better alleged lesbian lover DJ Sam. An anon source tells the mag, "Two years ago it was Kabbalah. Last year it was Alcoholics Anonymous. She was into 'peace' for a while," meaning LiLo moves with the wind. (Very Zen, that.)

But, at least, "the one thing it does show is her commitment to Sam," says anon source.

There's commitment . . .

. . . and then there's marriage. So feels

Camila Alves

, the 26-year-old Brazilian model who on July 8 gave birth to

Matthew McConaughey

's son,

Levi

. (

Sixty hours

of labor it took!)

"Being married is not something that's even in our minds," she tells In Touch Weekly.

"What's important to me is to have a home that is peaceful and healthy," says Camila, who has been going steady with MM for two years.

Camila is not just a hottie: She's a handbag designer, to boot. Her new collection, Muxo, was launched on Aug. 7 in Lalaland.

Latifah's triumph

In Touch also reports that the 5-foot-10-inch singer/thesp

Queen Latifah

, 38, who at her heaviest has reached 240 pounds, has achieved her goal of losing 20 pounds since she joined a well-known diet program in January. She does a very good job plugging the program.

No blame game for Alanis

Alanis Morissette

is no fan of politicos' favorite sport, the blame game. Asked what she would do if she were president, the popster tells Women's Health mag she'd "meditate and encourage people to stop blaming others, to be more responsible for their own well-being." (Vaguely libertarian with a dash of liberal, no?)

Alanis said she felt

feelings

while making her new CD,

Flavors of Entanglement

: "I felt empowerment and rage and despondency, even giddiness and self-abuse. I ran the gamut."

She said she wrote her very first song, "Fate Stay With Me," when she was 9. That tune, it seems, presaged every song she'd ever write: "It was . . . about romance gone wrong."