Tell Me About It: 'Cheating' as the end gets closer

Question:

My wife and I have/had been married 24 years; however, the past four years were in separate rooms and sticking it out until last kid was in college. Last March we signed legal separation papers and, using a mediator, the divorce was friendly and going very smoothly. We continued to live together until July, then both moved to separate living places.

Shortly after moving out, I discovered she joined a dating website the month after we signed separation papers, while still living under the same roof. She used pictures taken in our house, of family gatherings, cropped to show just her.

When I confronted her about this - what I believe to be a total show of disrespect to me and our family - she blew it off, saying we were done and she had to move on. But during counseling prior to signing papers, we both agreed to wait to date until we were on our own. I respected this 100 percent.

She still denies any wrongdoing, and feels I should move on. But I can't let it go; I am very angry. I believe this to be a form of cheating, dishonest, and a straight kick in the groin. Do I have a right to these feelings? Should I let it go?

Answer: You have a right to feel angry. You even had the right to ask for an apology. But your say in her business ends there. You can't make her apologize or regret the profile, or make her take responsibility for your anger.

You can, however, decide: that "cheating" isn't possible for people with long-standing, signed divorce plans; that people often "agree" just to get someone off their backs; that you can shape your future but can't rewrite your past. Please set her, and yourself, free.