Sideshow: Portman and dancer tie the knot

It was a coming-together of nations and artistic traditions Saturday night, as Israeli-born American actor Natalie Portman, 31, tied that theoretically most holy, inviolate, and irrevocable (but in actual fact all too often violated and eminently revocable) knot with French dancer and choreographer Benjamin Millepied, 35, in an ostensibly fairy tale ceremony in that most fairy tale-worthy of California locales, Big Sur.

Described as "hush-hush" (New York Daily News), the Jewish ceremony was held at sundown at a private home. Boldface guests were in attendance, though only Ivanka Trump (a fairy tale in her own right) has been identified by name (People mag).

The couple met in '09 when Millepied took the 5-foot-3 firecracker in hand to prepare her for her Oscar-winning role in the ballet melodrama Black Swan. They welcomed their first child, Aleph Portman-Millepied, in June 2011.

The duo's two-year engagement has been a testimony to enviro-political responsibility: Their rings "were made with recycled platinum and conflict-free diamonds," their jeweler, Jamie Wolf, tells the New York Daily News.

Christopher Nolan's trilogy-closing epic, The Dark Knight Rises, led the box office charts for a third week in a row, grossing $36.4 mil over the weekend, according to studio estimates. That brings the pic's domestic gross to $354.6 mil after 17 days. Total Recall, a remake of the Paul Veerhoven-Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi actioner, opened its run over the weekend at No. 2 with $25.5 mil, and family sequel Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days was in third place with $14.7 mil.

Rosie O'Donnell has announced via a poem on her website that her fiancée, Michelle Rounds, has developed a series of rare tumors known as desmoid tumors. "Again and again, her pain grew worse," Rosie, 50, writes in the untitled free-verse piece. "No one knew what was wrong. Life changes in an instant."

Rosie says the condition is "beyond rare," and though it isn't cancer, it "acts cancerous." she adds that only 900 new cases are reported annually in America.

Rosie writes that Rounds "is recovering from surgery. . . . [She's] getting stronger every day."

Reality show star, pole dancer, and X-rated vid sensation Nadya "Octomom" Suleman is going pop: She's releasing a single, "Sex Party" with that other D-List reality star, Adam Barta. TMZ says it's a rhyme-it-with-fromage homage to (read: rip-off) Madonna's "Like a Virgin."

Sure you can. Any dude can - as long as you can pay for it. The mother of 14 has posted a notice on "cash-for-date" (as RadarOnline calls it) dating site WhatsYourPrice.com offering a first date with the highest bidder. The site expects Octomom to make between $5,000 and $10,000. (The highest bid so far is $2,509.) WhatsYourPrice.com, which denies on its site that it is an escort service, says it offers attractive folks a financial incentive "to take a risk on someone who isn't their usual type." The site adds, "and if the date goes sour, at least they won't be going home empty-handed." Who says romance is dead?