Tell Me About It: A bookish security guard looking for love

Question:

I am a reasonably handsome, fit, clean-cut, and educated man in my mid-40s. I work as a security guard, which enables me to read for 40 hours a week.

When women find out how much money I make, their contempt for me can barely be hidden. I wonder when I am going to be valued by a woman for who I am, and not my ability to be a "provider."

Where are all the feminists who are looking for men who view them as equals? Could it be that even "feminists" are looking for a man to provide for them, and if they can't find a suitable male who makes enough money, they just do without a man?

Answer: That's certainly one narrative you can write from the facts you have.

Here's another: These women aren't looking for a man "to provide for them," but instead to pitch in as much financial security as they do. You got a job that allows you to avoid work(!), and while you're right to pursue what suits you, know that a prospective mate could be turned off by that choice. Women whose husbands support them represent a small fraction of American women. Partnership is key.

That still pins your romantic struggles somewhat to your income. I can offer another narrative that doesn't.

A 40-hour-a-week reading habit says yours is a life of the mind, at the expense of other ambitions. That's going to appeal to an equally specialized woman. If you quadrupled your income, you still wouldn't suit most women's tastes, and most women wouldn't suit yours.

Like everyone else, you're looking for a needle in the library stacks; doing that right takes all the unbiased patience you've got.