History as humanity's refusal to ever learn

And the rest is history.

Or will be, when Colin Quinn takes the stage Wednesday night to begin a run of his one-man show Long Story Short, directed by Jerry Seinfeld (yes, him), at the Suzanne Roberts Theatre.

If the name rings a bell, it's perhaps because Quinn was a member of Saturday Night Live from 1995 to 2000, specializing in a gruff, Brooklyn-Irish tough-guy take on topical humor, especially on "Colin Quinn Explains the New York Times" and as the anchor of the "Weekend Update" segment.

In Long Story Short, Quinn brings his rough talents to the examination - or demolition? - of history. He specializes in merrily deflating the great wisdom of the past: "The ancient Greeks were the first to say that an unexamined life is not worth living . . . they never tell you what we found out, that an examined life is not that fascinating either."

Quinn, 52, sees history largely as a chronicle of mud-wrestles and gouge-fights between one interest group, nation, tribe, or - especially - ethnic group against another.

"You got the smart guys and the strong guys, and they're always fighting," Quinn says. "And sometimes one will turn into another. Take Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. He started out as a real thinker, a Renaissance man, an intellectual leader. Now he's a strong guy, and he's trying to beat all the smart guys."

But much of Long Story is also making a point about the panorama of human folly through time.

"This show is about how humanity never changes, never learns," he says. "Things fall apart. What fascinates me, in a bad way, is how can it be that with all the war and the misunderstandings and the waste, how can we still have the same behaviors we've had since time began?"

Quinn's prime example, throughout his career, is the way the ethnic groups treat one another. Ethnic humor has always been a staple in his stand-up work, as in two SNL characters he created, the working-class Joe Blow and the racist Rolf. Quinn says he's always gotten a kick out of people's professed outrage when ethnicities are mocked.

"People of the same origins have histories and characteristics that they maintain throughout history - or at least you can play with that," he says. "It's the most forbidden topic in media and showbiz. Everyone wants to celebrate 'diversity' as long as you never point out that people are different. Anyway, the audiences love it. 'At least he's an equal opportunity offender,' they say."

That paradox - that offending everyone is somehow reassuring - helps drive the point of Long Story Short: "Even if you believe humanity is basically bad, still, if we're all part of that common, pretty rotten humanity, hey, we're all still equal."

Asked whether he's a history buff, at first he quips that "no, I'm a Google buff. I started looking up the big people and the high points, and a lot of them, I mean, you couldn't have better, richer material." But then the reader in him comes out. At the moment, he has The Fear by Peter Godwin on his nightstand, a book about Zimbabwe. "But my personal bible," he adds, "is A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. I first read it when I was 19, and many times since. It really helps get me through life."

A wild, picaresque novel by an urban Irishman of uncanny ear and slashing wit, a novel populated by ethnic and street types, lancing the myriad delusions of the age - the attractions are clear. Quinn grew up in Park Slope, Brooklyn, gave college a quick look, bartended some, drank a lot and then swore off, and took up comedy in his late 20s. Of Saturday Night Live, he says, "It was great, it was hard, it taught me a lot, and I got out when it was time."

Quinn had not worked previously with Seinfeld, who, he said, took on the show "as an act of friendship. He gets no money out of it. A friend mentioned the show to him at breakfast one day, and he says, 'Let me produce that,' and I weaseled him into directing it."

Once he did, says Quinn, "Jerry really throws himself into it, every detail. It was great." But exactly what did he do?

"Oh, he got into everything. Shaping, editing. 'That's too standup-y,' he'll say. Or "You said the same thing before.' Thank God he's a stand-up comic." Seinfeld played a big role in the look of the set, in which images of famous places and people in history flash behind Quinn as he walks the stage blowing everything up.

Long Story started on Broadway last fall and is now down the road in Philadelphia. Where next? Quinn wants to take it where it will cause the most trouble.

"England and France have this relationship that is a real romantic comedy," he says, "a real bad romantic comedy that stars, like, Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson or something! They just keep driving each other crazy. There's that English Channel, and they hate each other, and what's the best idea they have? 'Let's build a tunnel.' "

So, with his famed mischievous look, Quinn says he dreams of taking Long Story to Europe. "I'd love to see what they think. They'll probably hate it. 'Who is this American who thinks he can tell us what we're about? Get him out of here.' "

Then Quinn starts laughing - about the tunnel again. "I love that under all of everybody's crazy culture, there's methods to all the madness, all the crazy rituals. People have reasons for the crazy things they do. Almost like" - here he really is enjoying himself - "you could put a sign on all our dumb stuff that says, IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME."

Colin Quinn talks about his youthful love

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