Sideshow: Neither witch nor dancer be

Tea-party pinup star and all-around witchy woman Christine O'Donnell needs our help. For the forgetful: O'Donnell, 41, is the Philly native turned Delaware state denizen who so charmed the nation last year with her failed run for the U.S. Senate.

The veteran GOP politico, social activist, and former witchcraft-dabbler is turning to voters to help make what may be the biggest decision of her remarkable career: Should she pull a Bristol Palin (as Gawker.com describes it) and join the cast of network TV's most-respected political outlet, Dancing With the Stars?

"I just got the Official 'Ask' from [the show]!!" an excited O'Donnell says in a two!-exclamation!-!point! note on Facebook. "Although I am utterly flattered, my initial thought was to decline, as 2-year-old nephew has more rhythm than me, and my two left feet!!" (Shucks, sister, drop the modesty! We know you can rock and roll.) O'Donnell asks fans to continue weighing in.

A Los Angeles judge told Lindsay Lohan Wednesday that, like it or not, she's liable to end up behind bars. Again.

Judge Keith Schwartz's admonition came during a hearing in LiLo's grand-theft case. (She's accused of stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice shop.) The Los Angeles Times says Schwartz advised the Herbie Fully Loaded star that she'll serve time even if she cops a plea deal. "This case does involve jail time. Period," the judge said.

LiLo has 10 days to decide if she wants to fight the charges. Word is, she does.

If convicted, she could face up to three years in jail. If she deals, TMZ says, LiLo could land just six months.

No comment from prosecutors or LiLo.

Reporters did note that LiLo's court outfit revealed a great expanse of cleavage.

The men, women, children - and pets? - of this, our fine globe, spent a record $31.8 billion on the movies last year, says Variety, citing the Motion Picture Association of America. That's an 8 percent increase from '09. Domestic box-office figures reached a record $10.6 billion, of which $2.2 billion was contributed by that newfangled invention 3D movies.

Giovanni Ribisi has joined Mark Wahlberg and Seth MacFarlane on the cast of Ted, says Variety. The comedy is about a grown man (Wahlberg) who has to deal with his teddy bear, which came to life years ago as the result of a wish.

Playing the Field, Gerard Butler's latest vapid rom-com, has been infused with some serious sex appeal: Uma Thurman and Jessica Biel have signed to costar.

The pic is about soccer moms vying to seduce a former pro-soccer stud turned suburban dad (Butler).

Fox has renewed animated sitcom American Dad through 2013.

"She won't talk to him anymore, so he sees no problem voicing his opinion to whomever will listen." That, apparently, sums up the relationship between twanging pop star Miley Cyrus and her dad, Billy Ray

.

A Source tells Us Weekly that Miley, 18, is sad her pop has told the world her success in Hannah Montana has nuked their nukyular family. But her chagrin isn't due to the obvious emotional reasons. Oh, no!

Seems Miley is peeved that Billy Ray is "stealing the spotlight" from her. Ah, fame!

Us Weekly also has a report "on Rihanna's hot hookup with Ryan Phillippe." Huh?!

Seriously, can you picture the Barbadian beauty, all womanhood, in the arms of that - admittedly cute - manboy?

(One shudders at the image.)

A Rihanna Source says the pair "initially hooked up when things were strained with [Rihanna's ex-b.f.] Matt Kemp" in December. 

Seems Rihanna and Ryan did not display public signs of affection at a recent party.

Rock-solid proof they are lovers.

The National Enquirer says Mariah Carey's not-so-famous sis, Alison Carey Scot, "is so strapped for cash, she's selling herself as an 'adult escort' " in Long Island, N.Y.

Alison, the Enquirer says, is a mother of four (she "had her first child at 15") and a former drug addict. She "has been arrested twice for prostitution and is also HIV positive." Alison tells the tab she was reduced to working as an escort because "my family refuses to help me financially."

Proof that recovering from drug and alcohol addiction can be fun, too! TMZ says Charlie Sheen is involved in a "3-way relationship" with two women. He partied with them Monday night on a yacht. The entertainment? They screened Jaws

.

In a risqué, avant-garde move never before attempted by anyone (well, except for Demi Moore, Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears, Miranda Kerr . . .), pregnant Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak poses seminude on the cover of Life & Style.

Many fine citizens are pining for the day George Clooney will seize the White House and get the nation back on the right track. But alas, Edward R. Murrow's alter ego tells Newsweek he could never be a serious candidate: He's got too many skeletons in the closet. "I didn't live my life in the right way for politics, you know," he says. "I [was intimate with] too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that's the truth." Clooney jokes that he could own up "by saying, 'I did it all. I drank the bong water.' " Not a good way to go, perhaps. "That's going to be my campaign slogan: 'I drank the bong water'?"

Fresh from his Grammy triumph, sexless sex symbol Justin Bieber dominates this week's Billboard album charts with Never Say Never - The Remixes, which debuted at No. 1, selling 161,000 copies. Mumford & Sons' turn at the Grammys with Bob Dylan has helped rocket Sigh No More to No. 2 with 133,000. That's a 169 percent sales increase from the week before. The Now 37 compilation is at No. 3 with 95,000.