Blindfold oral sex blindsided him

Q: I have a situation on my hands. My girlfriend and I are in the middle of a huge argument. We were at a football party with several couples - all her friends whom I'd never met before. We both got drunk, so her girlfriend drove us home. We got hot and heavy in the car. Her friend said we were acting like teenagers.

When we got to her condo, my girlfriend told me she wanted to blindfold me and I agreed. She gets kinky from time to time. She went out to tell her friend where to park, then came back, blindfolded me and began to perform oral sex on me. It was amazing. She had never done it like this before. My toes were curling, if you know what I mean.

But I was shocked - and even a little hurt - when the blindfold was removed and I saw it was her friend who performed the amazing deed.

My girlfriend said it's no big deal, that she was turned on watching me with another woman. She said it was her friend's idea because her friend had never been with a black man before and was curious. They are both white. She says I need to loosen up and get with the times. It was no big deal.

I asked her how would she feel if I blindfolded her and let my friend have sex with her. She said she would be open to something like that. Am I overreacting? Is this OK behavior? I can't lie. It was amazing, awesome, great and every other adjective I can think of.

Please advise, because I somehow feel the way it went down wasn't appropriate. Not all surprises are good.

Mia: Oh, hell, no! It is not OK behavior. You were raped! Rape is any sexual assault or unwanted sexual act. You were not wrong to react the way you did. Your so-called girlfriend set you up and allowed you to be violated by some black-curious friend of hers.

What's next? Maybe for Halloween, she'll get some of her buddies to tie you up so her other girlfriends can have sex with you. While that may be some guys' Penthouse fantasy, is it yours? If it isn't, dump this woman immediately and find someone who respects you.

Steve: Mia's right, but it's also a fact that a ton of men would love to have happen to them what happened to you.

Still, there's a fundamental problem here: Communications and compromise. A relationship must have both. She must ask what you like - and don't like - about sex. She must tell you what she likes - sharing and blindfolds - and how she'd be willing to compromise on them to please you.

Any partner who refuses to compromise, who doesn't care what the other likes or doesn't, who insists sex must happen when he or she wants it regardless of how the other feels, is not worth keeping.

Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or steveandmia@phillynews.com.