Has she married a seductive abuser?

DEAR ABBY: I was single for four years and didn't intend to marry again, but then I met "Bob." He was so kind and attentive that eight months later I married him.

Bob moved here from out of state and hasn't been able to find work. It has been challenging. Bob's mood swings have been drastic lately. He doesn't want me to talk to anyone else, do anything without him. I have a great job and work part-time in the evenings to make ends meet. I try to stay calm, but he yells, uses profanity and is highly manipulative.

I am at a loss. I would like to help him, but his depression is tearing us apart. I also believe he is addicted to marijuana. He has threatened suicide.

Abby, I have worked very hard to get where I am. Help!

- Torn in Two in Texas

DEAR TORN IN TWO: Without more information, it's hard to tell whether your husband's depression makes him act the way he does, or whether you have been seduced by an abuser.

Among the warning signs of an abuser are:

*  Pushes for quick involvement.

* Tries to isolate you from friends or family members.

*  The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

*  Hypersensitivity: is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

*  Verbal abuse: constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things - degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. May also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

*  Sudden mood swings: switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

This is only a partial list of actions that can be precursors to serious physical violence.

Urge your husband to get counseling. If he refuses, then be smart and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or online at thehotline.org for help in safely separating from him before your husband's behavior escalates.