Dear Abby: Wife's porn star past haunts hubby

DEAR ABBY:

My wife and I have been married for five years. I recently discovered that she made between 10 and 20 porn videos when she was 19. We got married when she was 27. We have four kids from two previous marriages.

I am devastated. When I confronted her about it, she cried harder than I had ever seen. She said she was lost, and that it's the biggest regret of her entire life.

I understand how hard it can be to tell someone you have done something like this. I haven't led a perfect life either, and I have my own skeletons and things that I would never mention. But still, I can't get over this. I have never felt pain like this in my entire life and don't know what to do. I love my wife and don't want a divorce, but it haunts my every thought. We have had a great life, and I trust her completely. What should I do to get over this?

- Devastated in the U.S.A.

DEAR DEVASTATED: A giant step in the right direction would be to accept that you BOTH had a history before you married each other, and you both have done things you aren't proud of. Then make a list of all the GOOD things you have together, and forgive your wife for making some painful mistakes in the past that she was too ashamed to tell you. If that doesn't work, then you'd be wise to seek marriage counseling.

DEAR ABBY: We are a pair of senior citizens who are very much in love. Marriage is not an option because of pensions, bank accounts and predetermined heirs - you know the story.

We would like the whole world to know we are committed and devoted to each other. Would it be unusual, at this late stage, to become engaged with no intention of setting a wedding date?

- Blissful in Florida

DEAR BLISSFUL: Rather than become engaged with no intention of formalizing your union, why not have a commitment ceremony and invite friends and family to celebrate your love for each other with you? Ask a member of the clergy to bless your union.