Dear Abby: How to handle relative's rude girlfriend

DEAR ABBY: What do you do with someone who has no manners? A relative of my husband's has been dating a woman for more than a year. There's a strong possibility they will marry.

Whenever a group of us gets together, she puts a damper on the entire event. She won't converse (and it's not because she's shy), and she never smiles. She just sits with her arms crossed and is absolutely miserable.

She has been to our home for dinner. Afterward she gets up from the table and never says please or thank you. She's the most self-centered and unpleasant human being I know. Even our children comment on it. But her boyfriend just doesn't see it.

They say that love is blind — but THAT blind? It has reached the point that we don't want to associate with them. Would I be out of line to say something, and if so, what do you suggest?

— Fuming in Delaware

DEAR FUMING: From your description of this unhappy young woman's body language, it is obvious that she's desperately uncomfortable in social situations with you and "the group." It is possible she suffers from a social phobia. Rather than confront her about her "manners," make a date to see her alone. In the kindest way possible, get her to open up about what's bothering her.

If that doesn't work, then talk to your husband's relative about your concerns. His girlfriend may suffer from emotional problems that could be helped with counseling or medication. As a last resort, curtail your invitations to them. n