Christine M. Flowers: Catholics: E unum, pluribus

FOR ONE, brief shining moment, we Catholics found common ground. It was as solid as the thinnest layer of spring ice, but it was still real. And then, with one carefully-crafted "compromise," President Obama sent us flying back to our separate corners to glare at our enemy siblings.

That might sound a bit melodramatic for those who have no understanding of what it means to grow up in the Church of Rome. The only other group of "religionists" who make such a big deal about their heritage are the Jews, and even they have ethnicity to bind them together beyond the dogma.

But, being Catholic is a lot more than just knowing what words to say at Mass (they've changed, by the way) or which saints ensure against which diseases. It's a way of being, of thinking - of breathing, even. And it should be more important than politics, political correctness and the desire to "get along" with the enlightened majority.

But, as we've seen over the past few years, as social conservatives battled their progressive counterparts for the soul of the church, being Catholic has become less a unifying characteristic and more a point of contention. There are the traditionalists who think that Vatican II was a huge mistake, the radicals who have no problem with making abortion a sacrament, while the vast number of us in between wonder when our religion got taken hostage by popularity polls.

For example, if St. Joseph's University wanted to keep two lesbians from competing in a Valentine's Day contest, it was entitled to do so. For those who may not be familiar with the controversy, the ladies had submitted their love story to a campus competition which would crown the winning couple. Initially, the university refused to allow the same-sex duo to participate. No surprise there. In case our lovebirds missed it, St. Joe's is Catholic. Forcing it to give recognition and legitimacy to something that violates fundamental church doctrine (i.e., same-sex unions) is akin to making it dispense condoms, free of charge or conduct a seminar on "How to Perform an Abortion 101."

But some Catholics, the ones who prefer popularity polls to papal pronouncements, thought that that was mean. So, the ladies were allowed to compete after all, and, lo and behold, they won! I guess you could say the Hawk Will Just Comply. I actually don't blame St. Joe's. It was stuck between the Rock of Peter and a hard place, because once the LGBT community sets its sights on attacking you, it's hard to withstand the withering criticism of its friends in the media. But you would have hoped that the university could have just said "We're Catholic, you knew that, have some chocolate."

I know that hundreds of people are now rushing to their keyboards to send me emails dripping with the sort of disdain similar to this comment that I received in response to last week's op-ed: "Yo, sister, stop choking on your rosaries and realize that the bishops don't own your soul!"

Guess what? They don't. I am perfectly capable of thinking for myself, and even disagreeing with the bishops on some key issues, like divorce and birth control. But does that mean I (or two lovesick lesbians) have a right to redefine what being Catholic means? No.

For some, that makes me either a masochist or a bigot. I apparently belong to a church that must hate (or at least disrespect) me, that undervalues my contributions to society, that refuses to let me administer the sacraments of my faith. And let's not forget that part about owning my ovaries. Society is obviously waging a war against women, gays and anyone who wants to have sex, and here I am stuck in the middle of the enemy camp. I must be in self-denial. Or perhaps I agree with the church, which then makes me a bigot.

Sorry, but in this country, the whole "war against women/gays/ liberals" hyperbole doesn't wash. At the risk of being repetitive, there's a little thing called the First Amendment that lets churches and church organizations make their own decisions about fundamental principles of faith. Of course, there always will be Catholics who will continue to bend to social pressure, because anything that stands in the way of progress - defined, of course, by the secular arbiters - is evil and oppressive. And some of my religious siblings are terrified of being on the wrong side of that debate.

The family reunion was nice while it lasted.