Fiance wants a prenup, and she's hurt

Question: After seven years of dating (since my junior year of college) and one year of being engaged, my fiance just brought up a prenup. Both of us have advanced degrees, but he's in finance and I work in public interest law. I am significantly less financially secure than he is and will make significantly less in my career.

But we've always functioned like a team. We've both made moves and career decisions for each other. He's my best friend. I'm really hurt.

Our wedding is only a month and a half out and this feels very rushed to me. We both have said we would never get divorced (and after eight happy years together, I truly believe we'll make it), but his phrasing is that he analyzes risk for a living and just wants to be extra secure that in the unlikely event of divorce, he is prepared.

I think that even having a prenup opens the door to divorce and don't understand why, if he says he doesn't believe in divorce, he'd request one. This feels like the biggest breach in our relationship ever. Advice? Am I being ridiculous? Is he?

Answer: Prenups are wise and necessary in some (very narrowly defined) cases, and I can see why this request for one rubs you the wrong way. In the event of a divorce, a decent person won't expect a nickel more than what's fair from the other person. So he's essentially saying that, should you and he divorce, he doesn't trust you to be that fair player. I.e., he needs to be "extra secure" to protect himself from you. If that's the case, then why is he marrying you? And, alternately, why wouldn't he want you to get your fair share?

If that's an accurate reflection of the way you feel, then please articulate that for him.

Side notes: Just because you both say so doesn't mean you won't ever divorce. Also, it's not unusual for people who don't "believe in" divorce to become believers courtesy of an unexpected twist.