Sunday, November 23, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

A snake broke into an Australian thrift store through the ceiling, so the end is nigh

We hope you've got all the night lights because there's no way in hell you're going to be able to sleep after reading about the 19-foot python that broke into an Australian thrift store through the ceiling and went undetected for a full day.

A snake broke into an Australian thrift store through the ceiling, so the end is nigh

Associated Press

Hope you've got all the night lights because there's no way in hell you're going to be able to sleep after reading about the 19-foot python that broke into an Australian thrift store through the ceiling and went undetected for a full day.

The ninja snake weighs 37 pounds and was discovered a day after authorities began investigating what they thought was a burglary. A broken ceiling tile and a puddle of fluid had investigators thinking that someone had broken into the store and, upon falling to the floor, hit his or her head and vomited. As they would later realize, though, that their theory wasn't quite creative enough.

Police now suspect the python entered the store through the roof, which was damaged in a cyclone two years ago.

The animal then plummeted through the ceiling, knocking over dishes, clothes and other items, before relieving itself on the floor. It somehow managed to hide from officials until staff spotted it lying alongside a wall the next day.

They're opening doors, they're breaking into thrift stores with aerial attacks, and they'll definitely be able to get you in your dreams so don't fall asleep.

Also, I'm now hard at work on the screen play for Snakes in a Thrift Shop. It's a buddy cop/action/comedy/horror flick starring Samuel L. Jackson and his rookie partner, Macklemore. Yes, Macklemore will do the soundtrack and, yes, there will be a snake-themed rap song with an accompanying dance number a la "Ninja Rap" in Teenage Mutant Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. One at a time, Hollywood studios. One. At. A. Time. [HuffPo]

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